Midweek Tea Time Tantalising Treats

I thought rather than just fill in what I’ve done in the day I’d try & give some sort of insight as to why I’m writing this blog & what I’m actually getting out of it. Like a lot of people I think that somewhere deep inside there is a book waiting to be written, in fact the bones of a book have been sitting on my hard drive now for 18 months or so, perhaps when all this crap is done & dusted I’ll get round to finishing it. I read an awful lot & having discovered self publishing via Amazon I’m an avid reader of books by slightly left of centre writers. Tony Slater is a case in point. I highly recommend his first book “That Bear Ate My Pants” http://www.amazon.co.uk/That-Pants-Adventures-Idiot-Abroad-ebook/dp/B0057P6FNO/ref=sr_1_4?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1455101604&sr=1-4&keywords=tony+slater have a read of it & try & work out how the heck he stayed alive long enough to write a further 3 books. The fifth is promised, but I’m not sure it’ll arrive before he gets bitten by something large enough to take his head off. Other authors in the same ilk for me are Joe Cawley, George Mahood & not forgetting the loon to match Slater, Tom Cox! If anyone has any recommendations as to who else I should read then I’m open to suggestions.

Anyway, back to the reason for this blog. I find it very easy to write stuff down about how I’m feeling, & what’s going on in my head. I don’t find it easy to talk out loud about the subject. So banging away on the keyboard in the evening is a cathartic exercise for me. It allows me to just let everything out, the good the bad & the downright ugly. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve learnt that just hitting “Publish” after writing isn’t a good idea. So I now review, edit, delete & add before I hit the button. There’s a bit of advice about never sending an email when you’re angry or pissed, the same stands for when you’re feeling a tad raw. I’m not very good at showing emotions, unless there’s something that really gets to me – those of you who have seen me fail every time I try & do the “Playing for Jack” award over the last few years will know I can blub like the best of them if the cause is right. I’ve never found it as easy when it’s about me & my immediate family, until now that is. The last week has probably seen me cry more tears than since I fell on the crossbar of my bike aged 11 ¾ . But, these aren’t tears of shame, despair or even pain. They’re more the type that happen when I realise how lucky I am to have the love & support of the family & the utterly brilliant help at the RBH. The friends who call just to have a chat, the friends who are happy to continue to take the piss out of me, the folk who can see the long game here. Tears of relief I think is probably a good name. What was that song that had Carol & I holding hands at Reading Festival in 1983? Ah yes, Marillion, Script for a Jesters Tear “Can you still say you love me?” (7.33 in on the linked Youtube film - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaBjdLQ0LJ0

Back in December I thought this would be a bit of a stroll in the park, a couple of weeks off work then back to normal, didn’t realise it would be up a 1 in 4 slope in the park, but that’s good exercise for the body & the mind. 

Weekend Update – 7.2.16

Brief Update – “I told you I was ill………………..”

I had planned to spend the weekend relaxing & recharging the batteries. Little did I know just how “Relaxing” it would be. I was up around 6.30am on Saturday, had some breakfast & thought another ½ hour’s kip would be in order. So back upstairs, cold hands on Carol’s bum (It has to be done!) & the next thing I know its 1pm! Well, they do say that sleep is a good healer! 

The other great medicine served yesterday afternoon was following the Rams twitter feed & the wonderful win away to Old Elfs in Kent, just what the Dr. ordered boys, same again this coming Saturday against Barnes please. I half watched both the France v Italy & Scotland v England matches, but was struggling to stay awake for either. In truth on Saturday, for the first time since my treatment started I felt ill. I’ve been tired in the past, I’ve felt a bit sick, but Saturday I felt genuinely ill & really struggled to eat anything, concentrate or even read books. Meds were taken on a 4 hourly basis & bed awaited by 9.30pm. I hope this isn’t going to be the way forward for the next few weeks………… but if it is, then sobeit.

Sunday was a fairly early start, 6am rise ‘n shine. Fried egg on toast, two glasses of milk & then settled down on the sofa to watch Match of the Day for the first time in god knows how long. I’m feeling better than yesterday. The Colts match got cancelled as I expected it would. The rain last night was biblical, the middle & bottom pitches have taken the worst of the recent crap weather.

The club were hosting Berkshire U20s v Cornwall U20s this afternoon so I took a trip up to get some air. Other than the daily trips to RBH I seem to be spending all my time at home, I need to get out. An entertaining match ended with Berkshire coming out 19-7 winners, it’ll be a long coach trip back for the Cornish boys this evening.

I didn’t feel great in the evening, the throat is becoming really painful again. Dinner consisted of mashed potato with cheese & gravy, I really struggled to get it down. Bed following morphine seemed like a good idea. 

WEEK 3 OF TREATMENT

“The Glass is Half Full”

Monday 1^st February

Another weeks gets under way with a cough & a splutter. Early rise today due to soreness in the throat, but I still managed to shovel down 4 pieces of toast, slavered in butter. A morning breakfast meeting with a colleague from work at Carluccio’s made a nice difference to what is becoming a rather samey schedule each week. Scrambled eggs & pancetta, plus 3 cups of cappuccino & two glasses of orange juice, that should solve the slightly “Bunged Up” feeling J I had a bit of time to kill before the appointment at RBH so I had a wander around town. I may have become slightly less judgemental about people, but my temper at bad manners has now become very short fused. I don’t care if it’s Miss Marple or Sid the Skinhead, if I open the door for you then you say “Thank You”, otherwise a loud “You’re welcome asshole” will follow. Whilst I’m on a roll, why do people who are walking two or even three abreast on a pavement or corridor expect the single walker to get out of their way? & why do they get upset when the single walker keeps his line & barges them? (Miss Marple, this applies to you too!) Final rant, the idiots who drive the buggies at RBH! No idea if they’ve been trained, but the same twat has nearly run me over twice in the last 10 days, & he’s not even been carrying a patient!

Prior to my treatment today I had my weekly meeting with Scary Surgeon. She gave me a dressing down that any Headmistress would have been proud of when I was daft enough to let slip that I may possibly have had some chillies in cooking last week, opps. Other than that she’s actually a pretty darn good person to have on your side. She’s confirmed all symptoms are expected, & prescribed a shed load on new drugs to help with pain control, including liquid Morphine J J J She mentioned that I might not need it yet, but if it hits at 3am on a Saturday morning I may struggle to get a prescription filled. (She’s obviously never been down the Oxford Road on a Saturday night). The dietician was also at the meeting, but she was about as much use as a chocolate tea pot & seemed to spend most of the time looking bored. Her advice was nothing I’ve not heard before & nothing I’m not already trying to put into practise. “Make sure you add protein to homemade soup, meat is a good source of protein” – No Shit Sherlock! (I know she's only doing her best, not her fault) Jo the CNS Nurse took me aside & updated me on all the different Meds, when & why I should take them. 

A couple of pints (Pepsi for me!) with a good mate tonight helped to complete a busy & fairly social day. I may be a tad ill, but I’m not bed bound J

One of the social highlights of the year was announced today – Redingensians Rams Ladies Night. Carol & I have been for the last 6 or 7 years I think. It will be a shame to miss it, but Max will be stepping into my shoes, if not my DJ, to escort his mother for the evening. Hopefully he won’t copy his father’s antics last year when I bounced down the stairs head first! I blame the fact that it was the first time I’d been to a dinner at the club since the new building was finished. My beer soaked brain thought we were in the old clubhouse & therefore told my feet to use the old steps! Shame they’d been demolished some six months previously……… 

Tuesday 2^nd

Tuesdays need a new name, I think Fuckitytwatday fits the bill. I’m going to have to suss out prior that the next three Tuesdays will be shoite, & if they’re not then that’s a bonus. It all started so well too. I met up with three guys who have the same Chemo sessions as me whilst we were all buying breakfast this morning. The Chemo Breakfast Club has now been formed. I’m the youngest by about 20 years, but it’s a really pleasant way to start the day. A 15 minute conversation about lack of bowel movement had me in stitches! Here's the original cast of the Breakfast Club at OBR

The day started to unravel when I went down for my 4.10pm Radiotherapy appointment. Again it was only Julia (Ex Ms Sports Direct Bag) & I waiting. Julia was eventually seen at 5.20pm, I got in a 5.45pm. I let rip massively with the Head Honcho. Whilst I can appreciate delays, there is NO EXCUSE for leaving two tired & ill patients in a waiting room for 90 minutes with no feedback or update about what is happening. The excuses weren't great. Whilst my rant may have been a bit OTT I was getting quite emotional prior to getting in. All it would have taken is for one member of staff, preferably a Senior staff member, not a poor student, to stick their head out of the room & explain what the delay was about. Even with the job that I do I try & treat customers with the respect they deserve. Perhaps the Trustees at the Hospital deem the “customers” unworthy of feedback, but they still ask us to fill in pathetic forms asking if we’d recommend the treatment we’re receiving to family & friends. Now I like my friends, & whilst I don’t see eye to eye with all my family I haven’t quite got to the stage of suggesting a quick dose of cancer treatment to brighten up a dull Friday morning. If the idiots in charge of the Hospital could concentrate on their bloody brilliant staff & think less about Corporate bollox then perhaps they wouldn’t have to worry about commissioning pointless, crass & frankly insulting “We Value Your Feedback” forms. I don’t think they will value the feedback I wrote on the form. They may need to get hold of a copy of Rogers Profanisaurus to translate some of my more choice phrases.

The Chemo seemed to go ok today. A slight panic when a lump of pineapple made my throat contract massively on the acid from the fruit, looks like something else is off the menu

A quick look at the Blog stats shows it’s been viewed in Slovakia & Mexico in the last week, no idea who the heck that could be!

My final task before an early night to bed is to build a spreadsheet for all the drugs I’ve got to ensure I’m taking them as & when I’m supposed to – Here’s the list :

Movicol – Three times daily for two weeks.

Dicloflex – Thee times daily for two weeks.

FasTab – Once daily for two weeks.

Fluconazole – Once daily for 10 days.

Dexamethasone – Two daily, morning & afternoon for two days.

Domperidone – One, three times daily as required.

Liquid Paracetamol – Four times daily as required.

Liquid Morphine – Every 4 hours as required.

Wednesday 3^rd

A much better morning today. 8am appointment with the RT folk & I took in a selection of cakes as I was feeling a tad guilty about yesterday’s rant. Home by 9am & googling “homemade soup” recipes. After making a shopping list the light bulb suddenly went on. Whats the point of buying loads of different ingredients when I can’t actually taste anything anyway? So chicken it’ll be then, as the wise Dietician pointed out, that’s got protein in it.  A quick trip to the Village Butchers in Tilehurst & they’ll have a bag of chicken carcasses for me in the morning, all they want in return is a donation to their chosen charity J

I had a fairly long & supportive call with my boss at lunchtime. He advised that if I hadn’t been signed off work by Ms Scary Surgeon that he was going to tell me to get signed off. The support from work has been great. I know they’re a large company & some of it will be ticking boxes, but I believe that they do actually care about the welfare of their employees.

Final bit of good news for the day, Colts trained this evening for the first time since before Christmas! T’was “Bleedy Cold” but the numbers were good & bodes well for their match against Beaconsfield at OBR on Sunday.  

Thursday 4^th – World Cancer Day

An early start this morning, up at 4.30am as sleep didn’t seem to want to play for some reason. Today is World Cancer Day. The date would normally pass me by in a whirlwind of far more important things deal with. Well at the moment this is about the most important task I’ve ever been given & the little bastard, whilst having a good old go at beating my family & me up, it isn’t going to win! An advantage of getting up at the crack of a sparrows fart is that you can give yourself a good talking to & there’s no one around to tell you you’re talking bollox. I’m now looking at each day on its own merits. Some will be good, some will be boring, some will be total & utter crap. But the big picture is that in around 3 months I’ll hopefully be over this & as a family we’ll be able to get back to some sort of normality (However normal we were beforehand!). For the first time since I was diagnosed I actually had a bit of a weep today. Reading the twitter tags #ADaytoUnite got the ducts working overtime – not afraid to say that, & I felt better for it too. Just glad that the only one to witness it was the cat.

A meeting with the Head Radiographer was positive this morning. I’ve somehow or other managed to put on 2kg this week, despite not being able to taste, or from last night, even swallow properly. They’re happy with the way the treatment is going & can increase pain relief if necessary. Now this is a bit of a dilemma for me as I don’t want to become dependent of pain killers, especially not Morphine. At the moment I’m only taking relief when I absolutely need to. In the past I’ve found it fairly easy to get addicted to things. Fags, booze, coffee, crack cocaine, etc. I don’t want to add pain killers to that list.  I’d been suffering slightly from sickness after Chemo, a friend who also happens to be a Sports Therapist (CF Sports Therapy, check it out) suggested using pressure points to relieve the symptoms. Well, I’m a pretty cynical old Hector & thought that’s just Black Magic. You could have knocked me down with a chicken’s tail feather when it only went & worked! Less drugs required!

A quick trip into the butchers this morning to pick up the Chicken carcasses as promised. A massive carrier bag full & £10 into the Sue Ryder collection tin, a win, win position. Whilst cooking up the stock I had a browse on the net. Reading Chronicle had a good write up of the Rams match last Saturday, using my photo’s without crediting me. A polite email exchange with the Sports Editor got that resolved. I’ve no problem with them using the shots, I just like to see my name in print J

A good day today. Lots of positives. Cooking, listening to music & being a lazy sod.

Friday 5^th – Half Way House.

The session of RT today marks my half way point for treatment, only another 3 weeks to go. Whilst it won’t be over once the treatments are finished, it will be the start of the long recovery process. I’ve been reflecting what has changed over the past few weeks, lifestyle, health, mental & physical. It’s actually quite a lot when I’ve broken it down. I no longer smoke, & I never will again. I don’t drink & I don’t miss it any longer. (I’m sure a few pubs are missing my custom). I can’t eat much, but I’m still managing to put on weight by being careful in what I do eat. Small & often. My mind was totally screwed up three weeks ago. There were some very dark thoughts rattling around at 3am. I’m now in a much calmer place, knowing that whilst the physical stuff is horrible, I can & will get through it. Physically I fully expect to continue to go downhill of the next few weeks. There’s a high chance I’ll lose my voice entirely for a short period. A blessing in disguise for the rugby crowd who have to listen to my inane ramblings on the touch line. Sleep will no doubt continue to be a challenge, but as I’m not working & don’t have to travel far I’m sure I can cope with that. I’ve grown to appreciate the friends I’ve got for the massive & unexpected support I’m receiving. I knew my family would be strong, but I didn’t realise how incredibly strong they’d be. Without the backing & support of Carol, Anna & Max I doubt I would have got to the halfway house. For that I’ll be forever grateful.

The week is ending on positive notes. 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep last night, the most I’ve had in one go for about a month. The cocktail of Morphine & Paracetamol seemed to do the trick. The RT session went well. A good chat to one of the Breakfast Club, I didn’t realise he was in his 80’s & this was his second time with cancer! He looks fitter than I do! Then it was my annual contact lens check up. Somehow or other my eye site has improved in the last 12 months! More “Black Magic” I think. In between appointments I had fun and games in the EE shop. My contract isn’t up for ages, but I thought I’d see how far they’d go to keep me as a valued customer, not very far as it happens. So come upgrade time I’ll be off somewhere else.

The forecast for the weekend is looking biblical so I think I’ll spend tomorrow on the sofa watching the 6Ns. More than half an eye will be kept on the Rams twitter feed as they travel down to Kent to take on Old Elthaniams. A win would be one heck of a boost to the season & we owe them one for the playoff defeat two seasons ago.  I love this time of the year. Being English (well I’m actually Yorkshire first & foremost) I’m used to the ABE’s coming out of the closet. Wouldn’t have it any other way though. I’m not too confident that the boys in the Red Rose will take the title this year. The fixtures list is against them & they’ll have to improve dramatically on the RWC performance. But, we get to watch 15 games of rugby, live, without having to pay Murdoch’s $. Max is due to be playing against Beaconsfield at OBR on Sunday, not convinced it’ll go ahead with the pitches likely to be flooded, but fingers crossed. Who’d be a groundsman at the moment? Awful job having to call games off, but someone has to make the decision & invariably it’s the correct call on the day.

Well, that’s about it for this week.

Thanks for reading this far. To be continued………………..

#shouldertoshoulder 

WEEKEND UPDATE 31.1.16

Ramalangadingdong!

A good day up at OBR on Saturday. Ginger beer with mates, a great light to photograph in & the icing on the cake, a four point win! A very gutsy performance from the boys today. A pretty poor night’s sleep on Saturday, the poor old throat is beginning to take offence at being zapped on a daily basis. Might be time to ask for Morphine if I get to see the Scary Consultant on Monday.L

 Steak in pepper sauce for dinner, I could just about taste it…………. And then an early night, perhaps spending most of the day at OBR was a step to far. I’ll see how I feel in two weeks time, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to get up for the next home matches

If Saturday was a good rugby day, then Sunday was the opposite. A long trek down to Sussex with the Colts to take on Horsham who we’ve always had close games with. Half time 49-0 to Horsham!! FT 49-0 to Horsham so at least Max coming on at half time would appear to have made some difference. Of course Horsham could always have taken their feet off the peddle………………….  I think our lads are suffering from the lack of training of late, due to the awful weather since Christmas.

In truth, it was probably stupid for me to drive all the way down to Sussex. I was totally cream crackered by the time we got home in the early evening. I need to suss out that I can’t continue to do all the stuff I’m used to for the foreseeable. I wonder if I can get out of doing the washing of filthy rugby kit too?

Carol is off to see a live recording of “I’m sorry, I haven’t a clue” tonight,

I’ve bailed out. So it’ll be Max & I watching crap TV & eating tuna stuffed jacket potatoes!

Next week is going to be a good one, I can feel it in my water!

#shouldertoshoulder

WEEK 2 OF TREATMENT

A Rollercoaster Ride, Warts ‘n All

Updates & other rubbish also appear here - https://www.facebook.com/paul.clark.52056

Monday 25^th

Today was a good day. I felt pretty fit when I got up, I guess that’s down to having two days without treatment. I managed to do a full mornings work for the first time in a while, which I suspect my boss will be pleased about. A massive lunch of reheated casserole & dumplings was followed by my weekly update with my consultant. She’s a scary old bird, think of a cross between Penelope Keith in To the Manor Born & a young Princess Ann & you won’t be far off.

I don’t think she suffers fools gladly, I should really stop trying to crack jokes about selling drugs on the streets of Reading. My weight has increased again (Good), I’ve been told to drink lots of milk (Bad, can’t stand the stuff), A whole new set of drugs prescribed (Good, I can sell them), Stop eating spicy food (Bad news, very bad news!). The kindle, iPod & phone are all on charge ahead of the 8 hour marathon Chemo session tomorrow, but I’m prepared this week for the boredom.

Haggis is bubbling away on the hob for the Burns Night supper, just don’t tell Scary Bird Consultant that I’m eating spicy stuff. (Or that I’m pouring a Single Malt over the top).

Tuesday 26^th

Not such a great one today. The second Chemo session meant I had 8 hours to sit around & turn things over in my mind, not always a good thing to do. There’s a very judgemental chap on the same sessions as me. Today he was looking around the other guests in the Chemo suite & making calls on their lives & their backgrounds. There’s the mum with two teenage kids who always come in with her. She’s got tattoos, various piercings and arrives with a Sports Direct “Bag for Life”. There’s Mrs Twin Set & Pearls who looks like she’s more used to a 5* Hotel than an ex Children’s ward. There’s new young couple. She comes in on crutches & has a neck brace on. He thinks they look like loves young dream. Two “Old Boys” make up the contingent this morning. They spend their time chatting about the days they spent in the services, they laugh & joke with the nurses. They seem fairly resigned to their fate. That leaves the tall skinny bloke who spends his time listening to his iPod & making judgement calls on everyone else. He’s a bit of an arse today to be honest. At first sight it would appear that this disparate bunch have only one thing in common & that’s that they’re all being treated for some form of cancer at the same time. But there’s something else they all share………….. Miss “Sports Direct” mum & her kids are scared. Mr & Mrs Twin Set are scared. New Young Couple are scared. The old timers are scared. Tall skinny bloke is scared. Behind the mask of “How Are You Today?” “Oh I’m fine, thanks for asking” we’re all facing unknowns & it’s frightening. The faces might be smiling, but if you look into the eyes………… “The Man in the mirror has sad eyes” - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tI_k_EodwwA

After the Chemo it was a 50 minute wait to get Radiotherapy done. I’m afraid I got a bit “Spiky” with the nurses on RT. 50 minutes of sitting around when there were only 2 of us waiting for treatment & not one member of staff explained why we were delayed. After 8 hours of treatment I was feeling knackered & not overly well, I just wanted to go home. The other person sitting waiting was “Sports Direct” Mum. We chatted, compared our treatments, moaned about waiting around & found out we’ve a lot in common! She’s no longer “Sports Direct” Mum she’s now Julia, & Mr Judgemental has been taught a bloody good lesson today. The lesson today is don’t judge a book by its cover!

I’m afraid I was still in a pretty shit mood when I got back home. Instead of drop kicking Penny over the garden fence (Its ok, she’s a cat & I doubt I’d have caught her)

I took it out on Carol & Max by being grumpy, monosyllabic, & generally a tosser! Not what they need when they are also going through crap, so I hope it won’t happen again!

The only real upside from today is that I’ve now got 6 month’s supply of liquid paracetamol & liquid ibuprofen sitting in my office at home, so if anyone wants to buy some drugs……. 

Wednesday 27th

Oh bollox! It appears as though my taste buds are on their way out a bit earlier than I’d hoped. I couldn’t taste the bacon roll I had at the hospital before treatment this morning. I knew that tasting food would end up being a problem but I’d hoped at least to get into the forth week of treatment. Those who know me well will know that I love cooking & I love food. The thought of tasting bland crap for the next couple of months doesn’t fill me with joy. Maybe I’ll go for the OTT solution & stick extra chillies into everything I cook, that’ll keep Carol & Max on their toes.

 I had a really bad night, waking at 1am & again at 3.30am, I eventually gave up & came downstairs to read at 4am. A decent treatment this morning as I dropped off to sleep listening to Neil Young.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O1v_7T6p8U The Radiotherapists seem to find it amusing that I’m able to sleep with the mask on, they should try getting up at 4am!

Some good news to impart today, No. 1 daughter is coming home tomorrow night for the weekend & she’s requested that fish is prominent on the menu. I can see a trip to Smelly Alley being on the cards after treatment on Friday morning. No training again for the Colts tonight, the weather just isn’t playing ball, shame really as Max could do with a blow out, & I’m getting a bit of cabin fever at the moment. I’ve set him this challenge for the match down in Horsham on Sunday - https://www.facebook.com/rugbydump/videos/10153424628152339/?fref=nf should he choose to accept it.

Tomorrow I’ve my weekly update with the Head Radiographer, I’m going ask if she can get one of the CNS Nurses to contact me as I’m not feeling overly positive at the moment & could do with a one to one chat to ascertain if what I’m feeling is normal for this stage of treatment. I know they’re busy ladies so it may have to wait until next week. #suckitupclarky

Oh, I’ve found a way to drink two pints of milk a day without gagging – chopped banana, scoop of ice cream, pint of milk, wiz it in the blender, hold your nose & down in one…………. Repeat three hours later.

A very strange call with my Mad as a Hatter father ended the day on a bit of a sour note. He was asking why I hadn’t done the 9 hour round trip to deepest darkest Wales in the last couple of weeks to see my mum who’s been in hospital since October, and is unlikely to return home again. This is despite being told I’m undergoing daily cancer treatment & I can’t risk the chance of picking up an infection. I get two days off from treatment, I don’t really want to waste them spending ½ hour with someone who doesn’t recognise me any longer (Mum has Multi Infacia Stroke dementia ). I’d rather spend it with my immediate family. That may sound harsh, but there’s a saying “You can choose your friends, you can’t choose your family.”

Thursday 28^th

Chemo, the gift that keeps giving! At 1am this morning a lovely new symptom arrived in the form of deep, deep, heartburn followed by waves of nausea. Even the cat who had somehow sneaked her way on to the bed shot off as I sat bolt upright with a loud exclamation of “F**k”. A course of tablets eventually controlled the event & lovely lie in until 5.30am followed. One advantage of getting up early was to see Mercury, Venus & Mars in a very clear morning sky.

I had a long meeting with the Head Radiographer today. She confirmed that all the symptoms I’m seeing at the moment are to be expected, albeit perhaps a week or so ahead of where she’d initially thought they would have started. She’s confirmed that my taste buds are now shot to pieces until after the treatment has finished. Whilst I’m still gaining weight the challenge will now be to maintain where I am if my appetite for tasteless food diminishes. I’ll be meeting the dietician next week & she’ll be able to give me tips on food I’m likely to be able to get down & enjoy. (Large Donor Kebabs perhaps) In the past I used to live to eat, guess it’ll now be eat to live for a while. Tomato soup at lunch time today, heavily laced with tabasco, tasted of sod all. Liver and bacon this evening, may have to chuck in a couple of bird eye chillies……… 

Friday 29^th

Oh sleep, what’s happened? We used to be such good friends. I’m now lucky if I see you more than a couple of hours at a time. Have you found someone else? Last session of the week this morning, then it’ll be a case of trying to relax and recharge the batteries ahead of Monday.  Thai Fish Broth with Sea Bass this evening, it’ll look wonderful I’m sure, but will taste like cardboard.  To try & knacker myself out for some sleep I took the returned daughter into town for a wander. A new pair of boots (for her) & a pleasant lunch at Cau seemed to do the trick, even though a glass of Malbec would have gone down well.   

Rams are playing Clifton at home tomorrow. The forecast looks ok, so I’ll try & get some shots done. Suspect this will be the last home game I get to for a while. 5 points would be nice boys, no pressure J

Overall this week has been a bit shit when I read back these musings. But it hasn’t all been bad, here’s some positives to end the week on -

• ·         Daughter came home for the weekend – Albeit to get cash.
• ·         I’m still ok to drive, nice trip to Horsham planned with Max for Sunday.
• ·         Loads of drugs within easy reach. (For sale to the highest bidder!).
• ·         1/3^rd of the way through the treatment.
• ·         I think I’m becoming a less judgemental person.
• ·         The cat hasn’t been kicked over the fence.
• ·         The immediate “Clan of Clark 3” are bloody brilliant.
• ·         The rest of you who read these ramblings are pretty darn good too.
• ·         I haven’t really wanted a drink this week.

& finally…………… next week, on 4^th February its World Cancer Day. Probably worth a couple of quid if you can support - http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/support-us/donate/world-cancer-day

To be continued…………..

#shouldertoshoulder

WEEKEND UPDATE

Advantages of having Cancer –

1/. Free parking at the hospital. (So long as you can find a space)

2/. Friends buy you Cheese boards!

3/. Free prescriptions. (Psst……. Anyone want to buy some drugs?)

4/. Ability to criticise Ref’s without recourse (C’mon, I’m ill!)

5/. Immediate access to A&E – Every cancer patient is given a book which outlines possible side effects of the treatment they’re undertaking. It’s a traffic light system. Green is suck it up big boy. Orange, give the ward a ring. Red, get your ass down to A&E without passing go or collecting £200. Well on Saturday night I had a bit of a “Red” problem. Oh great I thought, A&E on a Saturday night, may as well take that unread copy of War & Peace to keep me going. Well how wrong could I be? On arrival it’s a case of show the receptionist your cancer book, she then sends you straight through to triage, seen by a nurse within 5 minutes, put into a single room & seen by a Dr. within 30 minutes. Diagnosed, treated & on our way home whilst the good folk of Reading were still partying hard.

Other than the quick trip up to A&E it was a pretty uneventful weekend. A couple of trips to OBR to watch some rugby, some decent food (Thai Sea Bass on Saturday, beef casserole with herby dumplings on Sunday) & quite a lot of rest. It was good to see the Colts back in action on Sunday following their weather break, even if the match was marred by possibly the worst performance by a Ref that I’ve seen in a number of years. To the credit of the young Rams players they buckled down & realised that they weren’t going to change his attitude, so just get on with it. Also Max managed to half complete his “Chip ‘n Chase” challenge, hopefully put to bed now for the season.

It was also good to catch up with some folk at the club for a chinwag. At one point, 4 of us of a certain age were chatting outside & discussing the various amounts of drugs we have to take to keep ticking over! Hmm………. guess “The Certain Age” could now also be called “Old”

#shouldertoshoulder

WEEK 1 OF TREATMENT

Monday 18th

The War has started, the first shots have been fired, there is only going to be one winner!! As Churchill once said “It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." My first session of Radiotherapy on Monday passed off smoothly in the end. The mask felt a bit tight & I was worried when the session was stopped after what felt like 5 minutes, I thought I might have moved too much & we’d have to start again. Well I was wrong, it had been the full 25 minutes & I’d fallen asleep.

Tuesday 19th

Tuesday was more challenging. I was up at 5.30am as sleep was hard to come by. I cooked a full English, reminding myself to get to the butchers for the new super food that is Black Pudding. I now remember why I like working from home. My normal commute involves traversing whoever happens to be in the kitchen on my way to my office at the back of the house. Today I left home at 7.15 & didn’t arrive at RBH until nearly 8.15. Reading rush hour traffic just seems to get worse, at least parking at that time is easy. A long 8 hours of treatment including the feared Chemo followed. 

Around 250 pages of a book about a couple who bought a Narrow Boat to live on were read (It’s not the best TBH), not sure how many songs shuffled on the iPod & various trips to the fantasy world of Facebook & Twitter kept me occupied. Carol arrived at lunchtime with much needed supplies of cappuccino, BLT, almond croissant & two cream eggs!! (Well I was told to put on some weight!) A quick session of Radiotherapy followed the Chemo & I was home in time to get Max up to OBR for his strength & conditioning session. I’m not sure who was more knackered on the way home from the club!

As an aside, once my treatment is over, or perhaps before it’s over if I feel ok, I’m going to start cycling again. I used to love it & cycled all over Berkshire & Oxfordshire when I was younger. I hate swimming, can’t run as my knees are shagged, but there’s a rather decent Mountain Bike sitting in the garage & not being used! Maybe I’ll tap you all up for dosh as Sponsorship for some stupid challenge to support McMillan? I’m open to suggestions……………

The Chemo nurse spent a long today going through the possible side effects of the first course of treatment. It’s pretty likely that I’ll feel like crap tomorrow & Thursday, but should pick up on Friday & over the weekend. Watch this space. Finally for today, I can’t praise highly enough ALL the staff I’ve had dealings with at RBH over the past few weeks. Without an exception they have been caring, understanding, knowledgeable, & most importantly, they listen to the daftest questions I keep putting to them!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmAV9_9_pk8 Another sad day for music with the passing of Glenn Frey. The Eagles weren’t to everyone’s taste, but I loved them back in the day. 

Wednesday 20th

The Chemo Nurse was correct, I woke up feeling like crap!

A couple of the tablets I was prescribed yesterday seemed to sort out the feeling of sickness & I managed to woof down a bacon sandwich. However I couldn’t shake off the feeling of total lethargy, so I did what any sensible person would do. I turned off the laptop & had a doze at 9.30 in the morning!!! Radiotherapy was scheduled for 2pm today, when I arrived at 1.45 it was immediately obvious that there were going to be delays, One of the three machines was down, another was playing up & the clinic had been augmented by folk from Bracknell as their machines were down. I’d like to say I sat down & waited my turn. But in fact I stood up & waited my turn as the waiting room was packed. What pissed me off massively was that it was obvious a number of patients were standing, whilst relatives with other patients were sitting comfortably. I was not impressed at all. After about 30 minutes I got a seat, only to give up to an obviously ill elderly lady, this was despite the fact that three teenage girls were sitting quite comfortably waiting with a relative. For once I kept my mouth shut, but if & when I get to the stage of feeling like shit I’ll just go in and announce that anyone who isn’t being treated & is under the age of 60 should stand up! I’ll then sit in their place before they have a chance to realise what’s going on. Rant over! Mixed thoughts about Max’s training being cancelled at OBR tonight due to frozen pitches. Half of me would have liked to have a chat with mates, the other half suspects I’ll be in bed by 9pm.

Thursday 21st

A much better day at the RBH today. Early appointment & no delays. Chatted to a couple of guys in the waiting room who were there yesterday in the chaos. We’ve agreed that next time anyone is standing up we’ll make a point of asking for seats for those being treated. I had my first meeting with Kate, the head Radiographer, she was quite happy with the way treatment is going & the fact that I’ve manged to put on quite a bit of weight. One more session to go this week then two days off for good behaviour. Only downside today was I forgot to take my music in & was subjected to Ronan Keeting & Robbie Williams! Childhood error that won’t be repeated. On the upside I’ve discovered that with my voice being shagged I can sing along to Rod Stewart & sound ok! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fD_6KqP7K0g&list=RDfD_6KqP7K0g#t=14  

I’m starting to get some side effects now, which is to be expected, & entirely as described by the folk who are looking after me so well. I’m very tired, but hopefully that will pick up a bit tomorrow. I spent most of this afternoon asleep upstairs. I’ve also noticed that my throat is getting quite dry, again as predicted. “A Head full of Chocolate Frogs”……………

Friday 22nd

Well that’s the first 5 treatments completed, only 25 more to go, 1/6th of the way through. I really wasn’t sure how to feel entering into this week. Physically it hasn’t been as hard as I thought it might be. Mentally it’s been quite tough, specifically trying not to think about what might be ahead in the next few weeks. I need to take it just day by day & rely upon the expertise at RBH & the support of Carol, Max & Anna. I know it’s not easy for them at the moment & I don’t want this to be all about “Me”. There’s 4 of us in this together, supported brilliantly by some of our wider family & many friends.

After last week’s experiment with non alcoholic wine I’ve decided it’s not really worth the cost. It may taste similar, but doesn’t give any sort of buzz at all, & it’s not exactly cheap. This week’s drink of choice (Other than the 2 litres of water I have to down) has been ginger beer mixed with pineapple juice, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!

Not much planned for the weekend. Hopefully I’ll get up to OBR to see Max play against Farnham RFC, weather permitting. Other than that I guess it’ll be a case of playing it by ear & sticking close to the Rams Twitter feed to get the score updates from their trip down to Worthing RFC.

To be continued……………

#shouldertoshoulder

17/1/16

Sunday evening.

The roast beef is in the oven, spuds are ready, veg all prep’d. batter for Yorkshires resting. Some crap film on the TV. Today has seemed a little bit “Flat”, I was hoping to be running the line for the Colts in their league match against Bracknell, but the weather put paid to that one. I managed to get some cracking shots at OBR yesterday, even if the match result was disappointing. 

I found the whole day quite difficult & left as soon as the full time whistle was blown, I’m not sure why.

After the phony war of the past few weeks we’ll see the start of the real battle from Monday. Quite happy to admit that I’m a tad apprehensive, I know that this week shouldn’t be too difficult, but I suppose it’s only to be expected. I’ve read just about every booklet from McMillan in relation to my treatment over the past couple of weeks. Perhaps that wasn’t the brightest idea I’ve ever had as I now know ALL the possible side effects that can occur, rather than just waiting to see what happens.

I reckon I’m probably just going through one of the bad days, tomorrow will be better. 

I’ve loaded my iPod with a playlist for tomorrow, not risking being subjected to Phil Collins again. I’m starting with One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer by George Thorogood, moving on to A Million Miles Away by Rory Gallagher & finishing with the live version of Dream On by Aerosmith, that should just about cover the 25 minutes of zapping!

Tonight I’ll be trying the third bottle of 0% wine I purchased last week. The white was just about undrinkable, the Cab Sauv was ok(ish), I’ll report back on the Tempranillo in due course. 88kg today, so that’s 7kg added this week & that’s before the roast dinner!

I was having a look at the Stats on the blog yesterday, it’s quite interesting that it’s been viewed in USA, Germany, Holland & Belgium. As far as I’m aware I don’t know anyone from those countries.  Typo’s on their browsers perhaps.

Apologies for the down beat tone to this blog. I promise that next update on Friday will be full of fun & laughter.

#shouldertoshoulder

I saw this photo floating around on the web, yep, Cancer can go & take a hike :)

Cancer

26/12/15

As some of you know I’ve been having tests at the Royal Berkshire Hospital over the past few weeks. My voice has been knackered since early in the year, & like a typical man I ignored the obvious, & ignored the nagging of my family & friends.

I eventually bowed to the pressure & paid a visit to my friendly GP. He immediately put me onto the 2 Week Pathway which involved a CT Scan & a Biopsy. The Biopsy all went a bit pear shaped as I reacted badly to the General Anaesthetic, had a cardiac arrest , “Died” for around 10 seconds apparently before CPR brought me back. Obviously I knew nothing about that episode, & frankly when the surgeon was explaining this to me I was still away with the fairies, so it fell to my wonderful wife to take the phone call at home explaining what had happened J 

On Christmas Eve we had an appointment to get the results of the Biopsy. The news wasn’t great. I’ve been diagnosed with a T2 Cancer of the Throat, which when you consider the lifestyle choices I’ve made over the years, isn’t the biggest surprise in the world. The prognosis is good. The surgeon has advised I have a 85% + chance of making a full recovery. I’ll be undergoing Radiotherapy at the beginning of January. This will involve 6 weeks of treatment, 5 days a week at RBH. Radiotherapy is not as invasive as Chemotherapy, but there are still side effect of tiredness, loss of appetite & to a degree, sickness. During the treatment I’ll have to abstain totally from alcohol. It goes without saying that cigarettes are now well & truly a part of my history. The upside is whilst I’m having the treatment I can blast out music from my iPod at maximum volume to allow me to “Relax”. If you happen to be walking down the London Road by the RBH & you hear Fish / Marillion / ACDC / Aerosmith etc blaring out then you’ll know I’m having treatment! J

Carol & I thought long & hard about how to explain the situation to Anna & Max. Originally we were going to wait until after the festivities, however that didn’t seem fair to them. So, with typical Clark tact it was a case of “Kids, have a seat, by the way I’ve got Cancer, Happy Christmas, Ho, Ho, Ho”. Tears & questions, but I should have known how stoic the pair of them would be. I’ve already made the commitment to Max that I’ll be on the pitch with him on Boxing Day 2016 (A 2 minute cameo is what I have in mind!). We had an absolute blast on Christmas Day. 6 for dinner. Sat down at 2.30 & left the dining room again at 10pm. No TV, no naps, just good conversation (& in Anna’s case, copious amounts of booze!)

Having a quick look through my FB friends I can see people I know from school, from early days at Sec Pac, Avco, Santander & of course the wider rugby community. I intend to be back at work as soon as I possibly can be. I intend to continue to be up at OBR as long as I feel well enough, albeit the club profits may dip somewhat if I’m on lemonade on a match day J I intend to continue to take photographs. I intend to be in Arillas in July with Carol

A few close friends have been aware of the challenge for a few days before this post went up. One of them who’s opinion & council I value gave me very wise words, he said “Shoulder to shoulder” that will be my mantra for 2016.

Finally, this isn’t posted to elicit sympathy. This is posted to let my friends know I value their friendship & if you’ve got a nagging cough / pain / ache then for fecks sake get it looked at!

29/12/15

I’d like to thank everyone for their support & messages since my post on Boxing Day. To say that I’m overwhelmed would be an understatement.

The support I’m also getting from the Clinical Nurse Specialists at RBH is amazing. They emailed me the “Timeline” for treatment today & called to confirm I’d got it, answer any questions I had & generally put my mind at ease. They also said I needed another blood test, so it confirms that most nurses have a sadistic side to them.

I’ll have a fitting for my mask next week, along with a further Biopsy on my neck, depending on those results I may need to have Chemotherapy as well as Radiotherapy. Sounds like the full treatment will start mid to late January once the physics Dept. have done their calculations.

It was suggested by a couple of folk that I post updates, be them good news or bad news, it can apparently be cathartic to open up, so you’ve been warned.

I’ve a date with a mate tomorrow night for a couple of pints. Then on New Years Eve we have our usual gathering which apparently involves cocktails amongst other delights. After that I’ll be dry until I’m given the all clear. So if you happen to see me at OBR on Saturday for the Old Albanians match I’ll have a Coke please!

Finally, massive thanks to Carol, Anna & Max as always.

To be continued……………

5/1/16

Quite an eventful period since my last update. A good New Years Eve was spent with close friends, my last drink for a while was taken at around 2am on 1^st January. I choose a rather nice Cognac to finish with. If I’m honest I was drinking far too much, a few more years of the same consumption would have had serious repercussions on my health. The side effects on my body of quitting booze have been fairly unpleasant & I won’t go into them all on a family website. The worst time is around 6.30pm when I’m preparing dinner, that glass of white is being missed. Whether I start drinking again when I can is open to debate. But I’ll certainly not let drink dictate to me again. At the time of writing I’m a week “Dry” & feel a lot better in myself.

Saturday was an emotional day for me. It was the first time back at OBR since the news of my illness became public. The support & good wishes from everybody I met was truly overwhelming. I’m glad that Carol & the kids were up at the club as I needed a private hug a couple of times, along with the muddy hugs from players who’ll remain nameless!  I also had my first experiment of “Drink of Choice” I can confirm it isn’t Coke, 3 cans were 2 too many! I think I’ll stick to Ginger beer whilst I can still have something vaguely spicy. Sunday was another challenge, meeting the parents of the Colts, some of whom I’ve known for 10 years or so. Again to a man they were brilliant. The match was god awful though. There’s a lot of talk about the “Rugby Family”, well I can assure you it’s true.

On Monday I saw my GP who originally referred me to the hospital. He was great & offered an awful lot of good advice as to how my body is likely to react to the upcoming treatment. He’s suggested I call him at any time if I need to ask any questions, which I really appreciate.

Tuesday morning was spent at RBH having around a dozen needles stuck into my neck for a further biopsy on lymph glands. The Dr. is a member at Marlow RFC, his son is in their U17s. I wonder if me wearing a Rams polo made him less gentle than normal? The process has left me with a very sore neck, but I guess this is something I’m going to have to get used to over the next couple of months.

A good friend who has been through cancer & came out the other side advised me that there would be good days & there would be bad days, & not to bottle the bad days up! Well Thursday WAS A BAD DAY. I was called by RBH in the afternoon asking if I was free to go in & see the consultant that afternoon to discuss the results of the tests I’d had done on Tuesday. Well it obviously wasn’t going to be good news, a thought confirmed when instead of the usual 1 hour of hanging around I was taken straight into see her. It appears that the Lymph nodules tested on Tuesday have proved to be inconclusive. This means that as well as having Radiotherapy I will now also be having a weekly course of Chemotherapy. Not what I wanted to hear, but by all accounts my hair won’t fall out (What’s left of my hair that is). The treatment has been brought forward to 18^th January, 5 days a week for 6 weeks. The Consultant did say that the course of treatment was only her recommendation & that I didn’t have to take it. I suggested that as she was the expert I’d be a bit of a plank to ignore her!! A good 20 minute chat to my wonderful CNS (Clinical Nurse Specialist) helped ease my mind somewhat. Especially when she mentioned that the plan of action was still to cure me! Phew, they’re not giving up on me yet then. The after effects of the treatment will be worse having both Chemo & Radio. They will also come on quicker than the original plan. It’s likely that I’ll struggle to eat properly after a couple of weeks. I’ve already planned to make a shed load of soup next week to stick in the freezer. It will be a case of eating small amounts whenever I can rather than having 3 set meals a day. Cream, butter, fats are all recommended food stuff, another upside I guess. Next week I’ll be spending a couple of days in hospital having kidney tests ahead of the Chemo starting, sound like it’ll be boring rather than painful. I’ll make sure my Kindle is fully loaded with books & my iPod is fully charged!

If Thursday was a bad day, then Friday was a GOOD DAY. I had an early appointment with the planning team in Radiotherapy, no waiting around at all, straight into the procedures. Another blood test (I think I’m running out in my veins) & a cannula fitted for the CTA scan later in the day. Then it was onto the exciting part of having my mask fitted. This will keep me in exactly the same place each time I go for a treatment & is critical to the process. I’d read up on the procedure for fitting the mask prior to attending, the thought that came to mind was it sounded a bit like Water Boarding, however in the end it was actually quite a pleasant experience, almost soothing. Once it had set it was off for yet another CT Scan, but this time wearing my Gimp mask (& yes I do get to keep it after the treatment has finished). The final process of the day was to give me a tiny tattoo on the centre of my chest to allow the lasers to align in the exact position each time. So I can now say I’m inked after 53 years. I’ve made a mental note to make sure I take my own music in when I’m having the treatment, today I was subjected to Phil Collins!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s seemed like a long week & I’m looking forward to my Steak & Black Pudding Sweeney pie this evening & having a bit of a rest over the weekend. It all starts again on Monday……………….

Finally, if you’ve read this far then thank you. Thank you also to the wonderful staff at RBH & my family who as always are brilliant.

To be continued…………………

#Shouldertoshoulder

11/1/16

A long day at the hospital today as I had to have tests on my kidney function ahead of starting Chemo next week. One injection of something or other, followed by 4 blood tests to see if my kidneys were getting rid of the poison. One thing I noticed today whilst I was waiting around was that I’m one of the youngest people being treated, or certainly one of the youngest I’ve seen on my various visits. My CNS Nurse mentioned today that one of the reasons the prognosis for me is good is that I’m still young! Well that made a 53 year old laugh. The last time I spent any major time going to and fro from RBH was about 6 years ago when the playground bully, AKA Giles Perry, broke my hand at rugby training. At that time I questioned the Dr. as to why I needed to have my hand in plaster for 6 weeks, his reply was “Well Mr Clark, at your age it takes longer for the bones to heal” The positives today? Well I get free drugs for the next 5 years, & I’ve a parking permit for the hospital car park as from next Monday, that’ll save me a fortune so long as I can find a space.

It’s great the amount of “Love” I’m feeling from my friends at this tough time, but I can’t & won’t forget the pressure that Carol and the kids must be feeling. On a day when the world lost a major icon, I can safely say that my family are my “Heroes”.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGOx0ZpMrrU

More to follow…………………..

#shouldertoshoulder

14/1/16

A fairly quiet week on the hospital front, just Mondays fun & games & a load of  blood tests. I was told to try & put on some weight before I start my treatment next week, happy to report that I’ve managed to put on 5kg this week. 3 full meals a day seems to have done the job. The trick is now not to lose the weight again. Apparently anything over a 5% weight loss is considered a worry, so it’ll be a case of eating a little but often. Chocolate, cream, bread, eggs & loads of milk. I may see if I can get milk on tap at OBR. Carol & I are going to go out for dinner on Friday evening, probably the last chance we’ll get for a few months. I’m not sure how I’m going to explain to Mr Nino that I can’t order the bottle of Amarone that we normally have………… having said that, I suppose Carol could neck the bottle by herself.

I was chatting to our dear friend Ioanna in Corfu earlier this week. When we were over in July last year she was badgering me to go to the Dr’s about my voice. She’s promised she’ll start using a Vape rather than a cigarette, we’ll see when we go over in June, all being well. 10 days of sun, sand, sea & Saganaki could be just what the Dr ordered. Shame the kids won’t be able to come with us, a real shame…………..

The forecast this weekend is cold but bright, so I intend to get as many shots of both Rams & Rams Colts as I can. I’m not sure I’ll feel up to it again in two weeks time.