“Lights, Camera…………………. Action!!!”

A weekend of me taking photos & then a rather important photo being taken of me.

It’s perhaps worth remembering that the thoughts below are written as & when I feel them. At times I may be feeling pretty low, for no apparent reason & without any real cause either. Other times I’ll be pretty happy with my lot. There’s no real rhyme or reason as far as I can work out. I tend to open up the blog first thing in the morning & jot down notes as the day goes by, hence the swings & roundabouts in the postings in the same day. Sometimes the events as they’re written down are overtaken by actuality. I’d imagine that’ll be the case this week as I witter on about the various outcomes of Thursdays meeting with Scary, when by the time I publish the blog the outcome will be known.

Week 16

Saturday 23^rd > Sunday 24^th

Saturday started with a limping Penny deciding that my toes hanging out of the bottom of the bed were too good a target to miss – OUCH!!! Luckily Carol is taking her back to the vets today for a check up, if it was me it could well have been a one way trip. This time last year Max & I were on the fun bus down to Barnstaple for the final match of the season, dressed in shorts & tee shirts, today I’m going to OBR with 5 layers on top, but at least I’m wearing a pair of “Pre-treatment” trousers & they fit!

It was a cracking day at OBR with Rams running out comfortable 37-21 winners in a superb match played in front of a packed crowd. The win ensures Nat South 2 status for next season, which in November didn’t appear very likely. 

The light was pretty good & I was pleased with the shots I got. A fairly early night beckoned as I was knackered after a long day & Sunday promised to be another emotional day of rugby.

On reflection Saturday was an outstanding day for the club that has meant so much to me over the last 13 years. With the injuries the 1^st team suffered prior to Christmas & the step up a level I think everyone involved can be incredibly proud to have retained Level 4 status. The 2’s had a good solid season. 3’s were cuddled by Bernie & Rob to mid table respectability. 4’s & 5’s had an awful lot of fun, with the 4’s winning promotion, twice. We’re not a club just made up of the 1^st Team, it stretches all the way down to the U6s! The future is bright, the future is Rams.

Sunday started early with a mystery. Penny has been kept in for the last few days on the advice of the vet following her fight with something. She’s on antibiotics & pain killers so we blocked off her cat flap & brought a litter tray into the conservatory. Anyway, last night she was asleep on a cushion in our bedroom & when I got up this morning at 6am she was nowhere to be seen. After being up for about 10 minutes I heard the cat flap being battered from the outside, on further investigation there was Penny, outside, looking in! It’s a total mystery as to how she did it. There are no windows open wide enough for her to get out of & the cat flap was still blocked off this morning.

My throat is bloody sore this morning, it kept me awake for much of last night. The outside of my neck is also beginning to really bug me, it’s sore in places & changing colour. This was something I was warned about some time ago, but I presumed this was one of the very few symptoms I’d managed to miss, seems not. I guess there’s no point in worrying about it now, it’ll wait until we see Scary on Thursday.

Sunday was another good day for Rugby. Max played his last game for Rams Colts against Reading & came away as 44-27 winners in an entertaining match in which both sides played their parts. I think the fact that the lads had a Premiership ref on the whistle helped the game flow.

After the match it was back to OBR for the Colts End of Season Presentations. I was incredibly proud when Max was awarded the Senior Colt Forward of the Year award & for the kind words offered on his all round game by the coaches. Max also presented a gift to Big Pete. As far as I’m aware that’s the first time he’s had to speak publically, it was bloody hilarious & just this side of acceptable in mixed company. 

A long day has left me pretty tired, but happy. Hopefully the dentist will take pity on me in the morning. In all honesty it was quite an emotional afternoon, & not just for Carol & I. A couple of other people have been around that age group since as near as dammit day 1. It’s good to know I’m not the only one susceptible to the odd tear when doing presentations. It’s been a massive past of all of our lives & will be missed. Rugby, along with most team sports allows young people to develop at their own speed. The U8s speedy winger may well become the U16s tighthead prop. Kids should never be pigeon holed at an early age. When Max first started contact rugby he had a couple of matches at hooker, then moved to the wing. He developed into a half decent scrum half before moving into the back row. He’s finished his Junior career as a second row forward & in combination with his other “Ever Present” Ben Espely, they’re probably the best offensive & defensive line out partnership I’ve seen for the last couple of seasons. Ben also played across & number of positions from U7s. What that means is that you’ve two players in the engine room who’ve both got decent rugby brains & decent all round skills.

The following link is to a slide show I put together of the Colts 2015-16 Season & specifically the senior lads who are now leaving for pastures new, be it Uni, College or careers. https://www.facebook.com/Paul-Clark-Photography-1619542031665742/?pnref=story

Max disappeared off with the rest of the squad to the pub after the presentations. When he eventually stoated home he was also quite emotional. Rugby has been an integral part of his life & a constant since he was a 5 year old. Leaving the cossetted environment of Junior rugby is a big step, but one that I’m confident he’ll take in his stride. He may even have the chance of a run out in Senior 7’s over the summer, now that I would like to watch.

I’ll stay in contact with the Youth section at the club through my role doing the fixtures for them, & I’m sure I’ll still be showing up at OBR on the odd Sunday to watch whichever teams happen to be playing. It will feel strange not watching the lads I’ve known for the last few years though.

Monday 25^th > Friday 29^th

The Dentist was kind to me on Monday morning, I don’t need any work doing and in her words, “I won’t bother doing an xray, you’ve probably had enough radiation for one year” – Same time next year then. I spent the morning getting my office back into some sort of order so I can work next week. I also spent a pleasant (???) ½ hour on the phone to my employers IT Dept. to get my passwords for laptop access reset. It was whilst tidying up the office that I noticed the mask was looking a bit bland, so off to Halfords for spray paint, a pair of scissors on an old hat & hey presto – 

All that hard work obviously wore me out as 3 hours sleep followed in the afternoon J

I always weigh myself first thing in the morning & last thing at night, usually just in my contact lens & a smile! Last night when I went to bed I was 82.6kg, this morning 79.9kg, how the heck can that happen!!! I know I fart in my sleep, but surely that can’t weigh the best part of 3kg?

I wasn’t feeling great on Tuesday morning again. My throat is becoming more & more sore each day at the moment, the soreness is on the opposite side of my throat as to where the tumour was. That’s worrying me as in my mind it means the tumour has spread rather than being zapped away by the RT & Chemo. I’m really quite apprehensive about the meeting with Scary on Thursday. I just wish it would hurry up & arrive, waiting is not a virtue of mine. It’s probably nothing to worry about at all. Scary will no doubt tell me to “Man Up” on Thursday J

As the sun was shining I took a drive up to Sulham Woods on Tuesday morning with my camera. 

The bluebells are just beyond their best & the wind was straight from the arctic circle, so I wasn’t out for too long. Another of those things I said I’d do a lot of whilst I was off work, but didn’t get round to doing.

Some of you may know that I’ve fallen into the job of running the Rams websites & social media accounts over the past couple of years. I enjoy the media side, but I’m by no means an expert & I’m far too old to be “Getting down with the kids” so I’ve suggested to the club that they find someone with the right skills set to take the accounts forward to the 21^st Century. I’m sure within the club there must be someone who fits the bill. If that person happens to be reading this blog then either give me a yell or speak to Gary Reynolds.

I felt more positive on Wednesday morning, my throat isn’t as sore as it has been of late. I do however have a bit of a limp, I managed to smack my knee into the side of the bed last night. Kneecaps are supposed to protect that part of the knee, when you haven’t got any kneecaps…………………. Ouchy! 

The day was spent “Chasing Waves”, basically getting myself sorted out to start work again next week by doing bits & pieces I won’t get time for next week. The lawn had its third cut of the year & is looking pretty good, the office floor was cleaned & hoovered. Desk polished & various bit of unidentifiable food removed (probably old cheese sandwiches). Washing put in, & hung out to dry.  It seems like a long time since I last worked, probably the longest break I’ve had in my working life. In some ways I’m incredibly nervous about going back. I discussed at Day 1 with my boss how best to handle my illness & decided that honesty was the best option. So all my colleagues & external suppliers know that I’ve been treated for Cancer. Whether they’ve read this blog is open to debate, I know a couple have. I think I’ll send out a group email on Tuesday morning titled “Hello, I’m back & I’m not dead!”

Thinking back over the time I’ve been off work & what I’ve actually achieved in those months? Well, I managed 30 sessions of RT & 5 of Chemo. I was admitted to the RBH twice. I had one trip in an ambulance. I’ve given up smoking. My drinking has been dramatically reduced. I hope I’ve become a less judgemental person. I’ve painted the outside of the house. I’ve lost around 17kg, I’ve managed to put back on 10kg. I’ve learnt that immediate family & friends can’t be beaten. I’ve managed to survive not being able to taste any food, indeed for a while not being able to eat any food. & finally, I hope to be able to say tomorrow that cancer is one further step towards being beaten.

No rugby training this evening, so no rush to prep dinner for our return at 9pm. Tonight it’s lamb chops with sautéed potatoes, spring onions, courgettes & chorizo, & bloody tasty it was too.

Thursday started bright & frosty. A pretty poor nights sleep as I was thinking about the meeting with Scary scheduled for late afternoon. As parking at the hospital is a challenge to say the least I went into town by public transport & walked up to RBH after doing some window shopping & sharing a coffee with a regular at Artigano’s. 

The day was getting better.

When I arrived at RBH I bumped into “Breakfast Club” Tony, I’ve not seen him for about 10 weeks I guess. He’s looking good & on his way to beating his cancer. Then when I got into the ENT clinic there was Julia (Sports Direct Mum). Last time I saw her she looked god awful, today she looked normal & seems to be progressing well.

I settled down for the usual 40 minute delay in being seen but was actually taken through 10 minutes early. Weighed in at 83kg which is encouraging. I didn’t see Scary, instead a Dr. who’s name I didn’t catch & the lovely Jo sat me down & explained what would happen. Basically he was going to stick a camera up my nose, take some photo’s & then depending on the results they’d discuss the next course of action.

Now having a probe stuck up your nose isn’t the most pleasant experience in the world, but I guess there are worse orifices to have things stuck up. I vividly remember seeing the pictures of my throat back in December, even to my untrained eye it was obvious that something wasn’t quite right, white lumps aren’t supposed to be there. Today the picture was clear, no lumps, no white bits, just a shed load of scaring. To cut a long and emotional story short the upshot is that for the time being cancer has decided to bugger off J 

The Dr. explained that as the images were so clear there is no point in me having a scan as it won’t show anything else. I’ll be on monthly check ups for the next 12 months, but other than that I’m in the clear. We didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so ended up doing a bit of both. Jo whisked Carol & I off to a private room to discuss the next few months & to provide some literature which will hopefully help us to get our lives back onto an even keel. Texts sent to the kids giving them the good news were next on the list whilst I was being driven home.

There is a huge list of folk that I should thank for their support throughout what has been a challenging few months for us as a family. However I’m only going to miss folk off, so you know who you are if I don’t mention you.  

Firstly, the staff at RBH, specifically Scary Spice & Jo who’ve been bloody brilliant at kicking my backside when needed. My employers who’ve been understanding & continue to be so. The rugby community who’ve shown me massive support. Redingensians Rams RFC who are such a huge part of our lives. The ability to rock up to OBR & know there’ll be someone there who I know & can have a chat with has helped me to cope. I just wish I was off down to Redruth this weekend now, it could have been a good party J Graeme Cook who’s idea #shouldertoshoulder was & who’s shoulder I’ve leaned on when needed. Matt, Big Pete, Owen, Shaun, Seb & Kerry who’ve kept Max busy & me sane. To those folk who’ve kept me supplied with Black Pudding, cheers, I’m still waiting for the supplies of Moet! To anyone who’s phoned me up, sent Carol or I a text or email asking “How’s it going?” there were some pretty dark times, but those messages kept us going.

Finally, Carol, Anna & Max……. phew, glad you’re around & on my side J

This isn’t the end of the war, but it is certainly the beginning of the end. The NHS will keep a bloody close eye on me for the next 5 years. It’ll take me up to 2 years to fully recover from the effects of the treatment I’ve undergone. I’ve been told in no uncertain terms by Jo to take things easy & continue to have a kip in the afternoon if I’m tired, don’t run before I can walk. Don’t expect to wake up tomorrow morning & everything will be ok, it won’t.

Thank you for reading this blog over the past 4 months. I won’t be updating it on a weekly basis, but I will publish on an ad-hoc basis.

The End

#shouldertoshoulder

All quiet on the Western Front.

Week 15

Saturday 16^th  > Sunday 17^th

Well that was a weekend of differing temperatures! Freezing, wet & windy on Saturday at Reading RFC, then warm & sunny at Rams on Sunday.

I went up to Reading RFC to watch Rams compete in the Berkshire Vets Cup against Reading RFC. We ran out as comfortable 41-14 winners. But by God it was cold! I had 5 layers on & reckon 2 more wouldn’t have gone amiss. It was good to catch up with some friends from Reading RFC who I haven’t seen since I was diagnosed. Saturday evening was spent at friends having dinner & trying to persuade them to let me have a go with the parking assist system of their new car. They wisely declined!

Sunday was spent mainly at OBR helping out with the Mini Festival, however I felt pretty knackered so left around midday (most of the hard work had been done by that time) & headed over to Beaconsfield to watch Max in his penultimate match for the Colts. They manged a 26-14 victory & he got on the score sheet again! I think that’s 7 for the season, got to be a record for him.

I’m going to have to make a decision as to whether I drink or not again soon. I can see it would be easy to slip into old habits quite quickly if I’m not careful.

Monday 18^th > Friday 22^nd

I don’t think there will be that many updates this week, it’s a case of treading water & waiting until the appointment with Scary next week. I used to be a pretty keen golfer going back a few years, but I haven’t played now for probably 4 years, so if anyone is on the lookout for a set of clubs etc…………….. £200 ono  

We took advantage of Carol not working on Mondays to have a pleasant lunch in town at Cau. The food there is pretty good, it’s the service that leaves a bit to be desired. I don’t like being asked “Have you ever eaten here before?” I really don’t see the point, it’s not like they’ll be serving food in a different manner to any other restaurant. Whilst I’m on a roll, “Have We finished?” is not the way to speak to customers. They also served the burger I ordered on a brioche bun, that is simply wrong!! & finally, they added a tip to the bill, again, wrong! The Trip Advisor review is currently awaiting publication. Other plans were put on hold as the weather was pants & I was feeling pretty rough.

3 hours sleep in the afternoon, I think I may have pushed things a bit far over the weekend.

I woke on Tuesday morning with a throat that felt as though I’d swallowed a load of blunt razor blades! Not great & probably reinforces the thought that I’d overdone it a tad at the weekend. 

The day was spent largely on the sofa watching old episodes of Californication, a cracking show for about 7 or 8 years ago. Well worth looking up if you can find it. Oh, I also polished 7 pairs of shoes, I must be ill!

Another breakfast meeting with my boss on Wednesday, I’ll be going back to work on 3^rd May, initially for around 3 hours a day, with a view to building up to full time by the time I get back from our holiday at the end of June. I’ve got to say I’m so grateful for the support I’ve had from work. I’ve heard stories of companies hanging their employees out to dry once the “C” word is mentioned. That hasn’t been the case with my employers. Ok, a couple of not great letters, but that’s more a box ticking exercise. The guys I work with directly couldn’t have been better. I’m looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. It’s unlikely I’ll go out & see any customers until we’re back from Corfu, I want to be able to get some weight back on so that my suits aren’t hanging off me.

The one question they’ve got is when will I know my results. At the moment I just don’t know. So I’ve mailed the CNS Ladies to see if they’re able to give any time lines for me to pass on.  My main concern today is with my hair line!! It seems that the back of my head on the right hand side is not growing & probably suffering from the RT zapping, this is going to cause a very strange looking mullet if it is the case! Looks like Carol will have to get used to a No.1 all over as I’m not going to go around looking like I’m wearing a syrup! A quick trip into town tomorrow I think to see what Paul the Barber reckons.

On Wednesday evening Max had his final training session as a Youth rugby player, on Sunday he’ll play his final youth match against local rivals Reading. I think Sunday could be an emotional day, in more ways than one. Bring your hunting horns if you’re coming along “Tally Ho………..”

I received a mail back from the CNS Nurses. The plan is for Scary to stick a camera up my nose next Thursday & then towards the end of May I’ll have a CT Scan a couple of days prior to seeing Scary again when she’ll hopefully be able to give me the results, be it good or not so clever. I remember a conversation I had with Jo some months ago when I asked how I’d know if I’d been cured. Her reply was that I’d start to feel better. Well, feeling better is pretty relative. Compared to 6 weeks ago when I was on my way to RBH in an ambulance I feel 2000% better. But do I feel better than I did back prior to undertaking the RT & Chemo? I’m not sure. My voice is still pretty knackered, I’m very tired, & at the moment my throat is bloody sore, which it wasn’t in early December. Does this mean that the treatment hasn’t worked? Or does it just mean that it’s too early to be able to say I’m now ok? Time will tell, shame I’m an impatient old Hector!

Thursday morning was largely spent making a screen show for the Colts End of Season Presentations on Sunday. I like putting this sort of thing together, its fun to look back at old photos of some of the lads when they were U7s now that they’re 18 year olds J

It’s a shame I haven’t got that many shots of some of the lads who’ll be moving into Senior rugby, but I’m quite happy with the results. I’ve been messing around with the soundtrack, but I’m not sure my musical tastes match those of the average 18 year old.

It’s seemed like quite a long day on Thursday. Carol left for work before I got up & Max left for school just after, he won’t be home until around 8.30pm & Carol around 7pm. That’s a long time to be in your own company.

I was never a massive fan of Prince, but I can’t think of another year when so many icons have buggered off in such a short time. He was undoubtedly a great guitarist & songwriter, also without question a grade 1 nutcase! I did however love Victoria Wood’s work & was very sad to hear of her passing. Such a wonderful comedian in a totally unobjectionable way.

Friday started with a bit of drama. Penny (the cat!) had obviously been in a heck of a scrap overnight, there was blood all over the kitchen floor & she could hardly walk on her rear right leg. An £80 trip to the vets later & she appears not to have broken her leg, but is badly bruised & severely pissed off! Injections & antibiotics dished out before she goes back for another assessment tomorrow. I’d put money on the fight being with the neighbours “Bengal” cat which is a massive & vicious creature! It’ll have my size 10’s up its backside if I can get near enough to it! Penny spent most of the day underneath our bed, hopefully recuperating. Whilst she’s not exactly fond of me & doesn’t sit on me at all I am becoming quite attached to her & wouldn’t want to lose her after only a year.

The weekend will largely be spent in or around a rugby ground, for the last time this season. Rams have their final home match of the season against local(ish) rivals Chinnor. Whilst still not mathematically safe it would take some rather strange results for Rams to get relegated. The match at Chinnor earlier this season was a cracker (Unless you’re a defence coach), the final score was 41-39 to Rams with Chinnor having two attempts at a conversion on the final whistle to draw the match. With a decent forecast tomorrow it should be a cracking match. It’ll also be my last time on the camera for the season. I haven’t been to as many matches as I’d have liked back in September, but I’ve only missed one home game & I was technically there at kick off, just in the back of an ambulance! Sunday, as previously mentioned, will be spent watching Max & the other Senior Colts playing their last match of Youth rugby. It’s then back to OBR for lashings of Jelly & Ice Cream J

My second “Rant” of this week’s blog relates to Planet Rock, they’ve recently changed their bandwidth on DAB, what was a great station to listen to whilst in the car has now turned into a bloody nightmare. It drops signal all over the place & makes it just about unlistenable to. What a shame, whilst it’s a station of limited taste, that taste was mine J

Next week has the makings of being a busy week, Dentist, Website meeting & the all important meeting with Scary Spice on Thursday. The others pale into insignificance compared to Thursday. The week is ending on a fairly positive note. Whilst my throat is a bit sore & my voice a tad croaky I actually feel ok. My weight is continuing to increase, slowly & I’ll be back at work soon. It’s almost as if life is getting back to normal. 

As always, thank you for reading this blog, it’s really appreciated.

To be continued…………………………..

#shouldertoshoulder

Farewell to Childhood.

Week 14

Saturday 9^th > Sunday 10^th

I am a lucky sod to have mates who know me well & bother to read these inane ramblings. Today I turned up to OBR for the Cambridge match & was given another weeks worth supply of Black Pudding!!! Mmmm……. For any of my friends reading this I also quite like Moet Chandon, Ferrari’s & Rolex watches!! J The result was disappointing today as Rams went down 12-33 to a very good side who will probably win the league. However the Titans won & despite losing today, the 4’s won their league! I was pretty pleased with the shots I got today, in fairly challenging conditions 

By the time I got home I was pretty done in. The plan was to watch the Masters through to the conclusion of the third round, but sleep won out.

A glorious Sunday morning welcomed the last home match for Max & OBR in Junior rugby. A league fixture against the team from Maidenhead. A difficult fixture that I’m sure no one really expected Rams to win, especially with a weakened side fielded. However they managed to hold Maids to 0-0 at half time & only lost 15-0 by the end. What was even better was they managed to deny Maids the bonus point they required, & that their coach had so confidently predicted they’d achieve prior to half time.  He’s a nice enough bloke off the pitch, but a bit of a dick on it. Known by one ‘n all as “Shouty” Steve :) For a number of the lads it would be their last league match for the club, I sincerely hope that whatever course of education or career they choose from here that they’ll continue to play rugby – 

Yet more Black Pudding came our way prior to kick off, luckily this ring was frozen & was still so when we got home, so into the freezer it’s gone! I’ll be looking up some decent recipes for BP ** over the next couple of weeks. Scallops, BP & poached eggs springs to mind…..

** BP = Black Pudding, not Big Pete!

There was another very pleasant surprise at the match today. Jamie Oliff, who’d been one of the original coaches for Max when he was an U6 turned up to watch the final match for what would have been his age group. It was great to catch up with him after about 5 or 6 years I guess, & it was good to hear that his lad Ashley has a pathway thought out.

A final amusing recollection from todays’ match. I was standing on the balcony after the match earwigging to a degree on some of the Colts parents discussing one of our players who suffered from a collapsed lung earlier this season. He took a bad knock on his return at Henley a few weeks back. His parents were extolling the virtues of one of the parents who looked after him when his chest was hurting. They mentioned that she’d read his notes, so knew what he was suffering from & she was one of the, & I quote “top Respiratory Medicine nurses at RBH”, I casually threw in the comment that she also read my notes & happened to be my wife J

Monday 11^th > Friday 15th

The title this week could have two meanings. It could relate to the end of Youth Rugby involvement for Max & to a degree me too. Or it could be the title of the tour being undertaken by the big man Fish. Well I leave it to the reader to decide. Other than to say Carol & I are off to Aylesbury to meet some friends for dinner & then off to watch Fish perform Misplaced Childhood for the final time. We’d sorted the tickets out way before Christmas & before my diagnosis, it wasn’t until late last week that I remember we were going this week! We first saw Fish back in the days when he was still with Marillion, some time in 1983 I think. Interestingly, it was also with Jo T, who were seeing him again with tonight. When he went his own way I was impressed by the music he was producing & continued to follow his progress. Yes, there are times at concerts when his ramblings can become a tad tiresome & you’re inclined to shout out “Sod off back to Scotland then”, but 90% of the time it’s good clean fun. Wonderful tickets, 3 rows from the front gave a great view, I tried taking some shots on my iPhone, but they will never replace a decent SLR  - 

A women in front of me spent 90% of the evening looking at the screen on her phone whilst she shot the gig on video. Not sure I see the point of that as she missed the live event. It was a good evening, the old man played just over 2 hours on stage. The crowd demographic was quite interesting. I reckon most people were in the 50 > 60 age group, but I was surprised how many teenagers were there, & they didn’t appear to be dragged along by their parents.  I was quite pleased that we actually had seats, standing up for two hours would have been a struggle, however when you’re instructed that “You can now stand” at the start of Misplaced you feel obliged to obey! I was fairly done in by the time we got home at gone midnight after a fairly foggy drive back, this was probably our first really late night out since December. Tuesday will be spent recharging batteries I think.

I’ve noticed over the last couple of days that my neck is really beginning to itch & irritate, not sure if this is part of the healing, or something that needs looking into. If it continues I’ll check in with the CNS Nurses if I can get hold of them. I appreciate that they’re busy people with new patients to prioritise rather than me who’s know 14 weeks into the treatment process.  It’s quite sad really, but I miss the weekly update calls from the hospital, they were somehow comforting in knowing that someone was going to call on a specific day to talk through how things are going. There were a couple of weeks that I think I’d have struggled to get through without the calls. My voice has also been struggling the last few days, almost going back to its pre-treatment self. Bearing in mind it was my knackered voice that got me to the Dr’s in the first instance I’m a tad concerned. I can’t even blame it on the concert last night as I made sure I didn’t “sing along a Fish”. 

I remember from the early days of this blog that Tuesday’s always used to be pants. Generally down to having Chemo & then having to hang around for RT. I’m not sure if I’m falling into a Tuesday habit, or whether I’m just a bit knackered, but today isn’t really great. It’s a lovely sunny day, little or no wind & I should be out on the bike doing at least 5k, or lifting some weights to get my body “Beach Ready” J. But I just can’t be arsed today. Stuffing my face with food seems to be the most exercise I can be bothered with. So far today I’ve had a large bowl of porridge at 7am, sausage, egg & black pudding on toast at 10am, chicken & cheese toastie at 1pm, followed by a bowl of rice pudding. I’ve still got dinner of Thai Fish broth to finish off with!

I haven’t done a recipe for a while, so here’s my Thai Fish Broth…………

Ingredients –

750ml Fish stock

2 tbsp Fish sauce

250g fish (I’m using salmon today)

1 tbsp red curry sauce – add more if you like it “Hot!”

4 kaffir lime leaves (dried)

Noodles

2 Pak Choi

100g prawns

Cook the noodles, refresh in cold water, drain & set aside. Put the stock, curry paste, lime leaves & fish sauce into a large saucepan & add 250ml of cold water. Bring to a simmer for about 5 mins. Cut the fish into rough squares (about an inch or so) add to the pan & simmer for two minutes. Stir in the cooked noodles, pak choi & prawns, simmer for another 2 or 3 mins.

Serve with roughly chopped coriander over the top.

I seemed to have overcooked this one a bit, plenty to reheat for lunch on Wednesday.

Sleep wouldn’t play ball again last night. I struggled to drop off then kept waking up every hour or so. I had quite a lot rattling around in my head last night, I tried counting sheep, counting backwards & annoying the wife, none seemed to work though. I received some forms from work today regarding my ongoing illness…………… a phone call with HR wasn’t exactly satisfactory either I’m afraid.

An evening spent at OBR for Max’s training, as a “Brucie Bonus” the U16s were playing a league match against Tadley & won 17-10 in an entertaining match under the floodlights. This weekend is the date of the Roger Batchelor Rams Mini Festival, always a highlight of the year for the club. I’ll be helping out in some way shape or form on the day. These are old shots from the Rams Festivals, the lad in the bottom pic has gone on to do quite well for himself :) 

Thursday wasn’t brilliant. Whilst I kept myself fairly busy I just didn’t feel great. I was pretty tired, my throat was painful & my neck was beginning to irritate quite a lot. I get the feeling I might have a slug of morphine this evening. My main concern is that the pain in my throat is coming from where the tumour was before the zapping. Now I’m sure this doesn’t mean that the treatment hasn’t worked, but I can’t help feeling slightly apprehensive. It’s another two weeks until I see Scary again, could be a long 14 days! I was also feeling a bit lonely which is daft today really, especially as I bumped into a fellow cancer patient & rugby stalwart in town & had a call from Evil Twins husband at lunchtime (Now on known as Stuart, mainly because that’s his name!), so why am I feeling lonely? I’m pretty sure there are “Help Groups” available via the RBH who are made up of folk who’ve been through similar experiences. I’m beginning to miss the daily interaction with the hospital more & more each day. As I’ve previously mentioned it gave me a purpose in life, knowing I had to be somewhere at a certain time. Possibly it’s strange to miss somewhere which actually made me quite ill, call it Stockholm Syndrome, albeit the radiotherapists & chemo staff weren’t pointing a gun at my head, well not unless I was really naughty. Just being able to talk through how you’re feeling with someone who’s been through a similar process would perhaps assist in mood swings. Sleep on Thursday night was pants, I kept waking up every hour or so again, perhaps I should have used the morphine………

Apparently one of the symptoms that Chemo & RT can impact is problems with your teeth & gums. Now I have a pathological fear of Dentists! It stems from reading the book The Marathon Man a number of years ago, I won’t go into detail other than to say if you’ve seen the scene in the film, the book is 20x worse!! However, I’ve managed to chip a back tooth in the last couple of days so I’ve bitten the bullet (Sorry, couldn’t resist) & booked an appointment for a week on Monday. My dentist has actually written in large red print on my notes “Afraid of dentist”…………… Let’s hope she reads them before asking me to open wide!

I would have liked to have travelled up to Bishops Stortford tomorrow to watch Rams play & catch up with old friends, but I’m not really feeling up to it I’m afraid. Rams mathematically need 3 points to be safe from relegation, however the way the fixtures until the end of season pan out they are to all intents already safe. A cracking result after the shaky start to the season. Players, Coaches, Managers & Minions should all take a bow! Well done guys, just wish I could have seen more matches this season. Depending on how I’m feeling tomorrow & the weather I’ll try to get up to Reading RFC to watch our Vets in (I think) the final of the Berkshire Vet Cups.

This week isn’t ending on a very high note really. Throat is still pretty sore, voice isn’t great & sleep is a dim & distant memory. However, I’m still alive & kicking, taste buds are slowly but surely returning & it’s only 2 weeks until Scary sticks a tube up my nose & we’ll see how the bastard tumour has taken to having the shoite zapped out of it.  I’ve also just reread through this blog for the month on February. Good God, if I think things are tough now then I really need a kick up the backside. February & early March were the lowest of the low both physically & mentally. Now all I’m worrying about is what may or may not happen when I get the final result, there’s nothing I can do about that now. There are folk who were on the same treatment plan as me who are probably looking straight down the barrel of the darkest of futures. I’m looking forward to a future that lasts a number of years. That has got to be the way forward! I also need to realise that I’m not the only one going through the wringer here, there are at least four of us in the battle. Anna has exams this year at Uni, Max has his AS & A Levels, I’m sure their dad banging on about feeling like crap is helping them…………. NOT! Carol is working silly hours at the hospital & then coming home to Marvin the Manic Depressive Robot, that must be easy for her……….. NOT!

I don’t say it enough, but my family & friends have got me this far, they’ll get me to the end, wherever that may be.

Thank you for continuing to read this blog.

To be continued…………..

#shouldertoshoulder 

A week of more ladders and fewer snakes….

Morphine? Never heard of it!

Week 13

Saturday 2^nd > Sunday 3^rd April

An early start to Saturday as Carol is driving Anna & Tom back to Lincoln, the Easter holiday seems to have shot by, but at least Anna is back for the club End of Season Ball at the beginning of May, so only 4 weeks to wait until I have my pocket picked again.

I spent the afternoon at OBR shooting the Centaurs & Horde, the light was perfect for a change & both teams won. 

A while ago I’d mentioned in this blog that Black Pudding was a “Super Food” a friend remember that comment & now that I can eat what I like again they presented me with a rather nice piece of BP from a local butchers. Max & I enjoyed it with a steak and ale pie, asparagus & jacket potatoes, it was darn good. It also shows that good friends can’t be beaten!  

Sunday morning seemed to start somewhere in the middle of Saturday night, ie far too darn early!! Up at 6am, so I watched a couple of episodes of “Better Call Saul” before banging around in the kitchen in the vague hope that Carol & Max would wake up! Nope, it took a cup of tea for Carol & a loud knock on his door for Max before either decided to grace Sunday morning with their presence. A decent breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon and black pudding set us up for our trip to Camberley RFC. Now I’ve not been to Camberley since Max was an U12. I called a match off early when I was ref due to constant abuse from idiots on the sidelines. It didn’t go down well with the coaches at the time, but I had no other choice. Anyway, the Colts got beaten 34-0, a score that doesn’t really reflect the match. Again I took the camera & was quite pleased with the results. 

Max had a pretty good game again, only 3 more matches for him in Youth rugby, frightening how quickly the 12 years have gone. It was great to catch up with a couple of old faces today, took me back to the halcyon days of youth rugby at Rams J

Two fairly long days have left me feeling a bit worn out this evening. So after a rather good roast dinner it was a soak in the bath & an early night listening to the rain rattling against the window pane.

 

Monday 4^th > Friday 8^th April

Monday was a day of DIY and bad moods. I took up the carpet in the ensuite bathroom & Carol replaced with fake floor tiles, will be much better than having soggy carpet. I also broke & then repaired our CD rack, so spent a good couple of hours putting the CDs back in artist’s alphabetical order & then chronological order, I think I must have OCD or something. 

Last night’s sleep was poor again & I was in a fairly “Snappy” mood for most of the day. The job for the rest of the week will be to sand, prep & paint the front door, garage, & conservatory! I hope the weather plays ball. I’ll also be doing it at my own pace, if I’m feeling tired I’ll pack in for a while. At this rate I’ll be chomping at the bit to get back to work!

I had my first pizza for a number of months this evening, a good meaty & spicy one at that. Went down a treat so long as I avoided the large pieces of red chilli. The second piece of food news for the day is that Complan is truly awful stuff. I’ve just about finished the Ensure protein drinks I was given on prescription & as I need to contain piling in the calories I thought I’d add Complan to my diet. I’m not sure if I made it wrong, but it reminded me of trying to drink wet sawdust!

I think there’s a bit of a malaise setting in with me at the moment, & that’s having an impact on my moods. A couple of folk asked me at the weekend what the next steps are for me & it really got me thinking that I’m sitting here just waiting to hear the results of the treatment & there is sod all I can do about it now. I also stupidly spent an hour or so googling various sites relating to Head & Neck Cancer, just when you think it’s safe to get back into the water……….. Physically I’m going in the right direction, mentally it’s all getting a bit tough again. I can’t help myself thinking of the possible consequences going forward, even if I’m given the all clear it’s likely I’ll continue to have side effects & other complications for potentially years to come. At the moment this isn’t something that really appeals to me. It’s the knowing what might / could / should happen in the future that’s frightening, sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Tuesday I probably pushed myself a bit far. Despite the best of intentions to take things easy I spent just about all day from 9am > 4pm painting. I managed 3 external coats on the front door, conservatory & back door. Hopefully the cat has learnt how to read Now I’ve just got the wood on the interior of the conservatory to do, but I may leave that for a couple of days & put my feet up a bit on Wednesday. I did however reward myself with a pint of bitter shandy after I’d finished J

I had a surprise & welcomed phone call from my Brother in Law (Evil Twins husband) in the morning. He’d been reading my blog & thought he’d phone up for a chat & to see how I was getting on. They’ve got friends in Spain who is also going through throat cancer, by the sounds of things I’ve got away quite lightly compared to her. Sometimes it’s good just to have a chat with someone who’s slightly more removed than the immediate family of Carol, Anna & Max. 

I’m feeling a bit more positive about the future today, probably because I haven’t had the time to sit & brood. Maybe that should be the plan going forward, make sure I’m doing something, even if it’s just sitting down & reading a book.

I mentioned last week that I’d managed to get the lawn cut for the first time, well having looked at it today it seems I’m not the only one who was pleased to have got it done, the sodding badgers who have a set at the bottom of the garden have had a field day digging it up looking for grubs!! Anyone got a 12 bore I can borrow for a couple of days? Jasper Carrot & the Mole!

I spent the evening in a very entertaining conversation on FB with a bunch of self published authors who were holding a “Free for all” for anyone who wanted to ask them questions on any subject that came to mind. For me I got some useful feedback for if I ever turn this blog into a book, I also found out that booze is hideously expensive in Australia! It turned out to be a fairly costly evening as I bought 9 books in total! Still, that’ll keep me going when we’re on holiday.

Wednesday was a quiet day, recharging the batteries. I popped into town first thing to sort out Euro’s for our holiday, got a rate of 1.22 which is a bit painful compared to last year when I think I got closer to 1.40. I also picked up a rather smart broad brimmed hat for the summer as I can’t risk getting burnt around my neck. A lazy afternoon spent updating the slide show used at Rams for home matches. This weekend they’re taking on league leaders Cambridge at OBR. It could be an interesting match as Rams are on a 7 match unbeaten run & Cambridge won against Cornish All Blacks last week by 109-0!! Hopefully they’ll be slightly under cooked J Max was over at Bella’s so I dropped into OBR a bit later to pick him up from training, muddy doesn’t describe him!

Thursday started just where Wednesday finished off, up at 5am for some god known reason! Good news though, I’ve cracked the 80kg barrier. I’ve been weighing myself each morning wearing just a smile and Channel No.5, this is the first time I’ve been over 80kg for a number of weeks. The trick now will be to keep gaining weight until I hit my target of 85kg (13.4 stone in old money). I had a quick trip up to OBR to take photo’s of the Kids Camp being run until Friday, however I was defeated by the rain, I’ll try again on Friday when the forecast is supposed to be quite good.

A pleasant evening was spent watching Max make his debut training with the “Big Boys”, I’d warned him to try to keep his mouth shut for the first few weeks & not engage in any of his infamous muppetry, he seemed to love it & fitted in pretty well from what I saw. Looks like the transition from Junior rugby to Senior rugby has well & truly begun. You’re a long time an adult & I’d never advocate jumping away from Youth rugby until you’ve reached the end of Colts, but 3 more matches of Junior’s for Max, so now is the right time to get a manly cuddle from the Three’s!

Friday was a positively late start, lie in until 7am, result. Drawing back the curtains however only displayed the damage the sodding badgers hae done to the lawn over night!! Solution needed chaps please! As the weather was much better I went up to OBR to take some shots of the Easter Camp, some pretty good results that I’m pleased with. 

I managed a bike ride of about 8k in the afternoon, not far by some standards, but a step up for me, even if I did have to get off & walk back up Oak Tree Road. I forgot to set Strava, so you’ll have to take my word that I was travelling at about 30kmh for most of the trip J

Max was out with his work colleagues on Friday evening, so we pushed the boat out & invested in ribeye steaks, with roasted peppers & home made chips, that should add a few more pounds onto the scales. The weekend will largely be spent watching rugby, fingers crossed I won’t be leaving OBR in an ambulance this week. Is it too much to ask for another 5 points?

Monday brings an evening treat that I’d forgotten about, & now can’t wait for it to arrive………….

As always, thanks for reading & thanks for the continued support.

To be continued……………………

#Shouldertoshoulder 

Spring forward, fall back….. A week of anniversaries & birthdays

This is my cat Penny, we agreed to adopt her a year ago this weekend J

This is my daughter Anna, we apparently adopted her 21 years ago on 1^st April J

Morphine – Nah, didn’t bother!

Week 11

Saturday 26^th > Sunday 27^th

Saturday started early with a trip to Decathlon to look at bikes, I ended up coming away with a Hybrid bike which seems to suit my needs, an advantage is that it was fully assembled & comes with mud guards, dynamo lights & panier racks. Ok, this may make me sound like an old man, but I am. I also be using the bike for short trips to the shops & possibly photo trips so I don’t need or want an expensive racing bike. Now that old saying “You never forget how to ride a bike” is total bollox! My first, and so far only, trip was a quick spin around Tilehurst. I was as wobbly as a new born calf to start with, it was also fairly disconcerting as to how close some cars overtake. I’m sure I’ll get used to it in time. It’s typical that as soon as I buy a bike the weather decides to be shoite. As I haven’t yet become a MAMIL (Middle aged man in Lycra) I resisted the temptation to go out again in rain that was coming down sideways.  Lunch time was spent watching one of the Rams Colts, Jakub, playing for Poland U18s in a European competition. They were up against the overwhelming favourites Holland in the final, but prevailed 9-8 in a tense final. Carol, Anna & Max disappeared off to Swindon Outlet Centre for the afternoon, I would rather pull out my finger nails with a pair of tweezers than do that trip, so it was a case of listening to England win at the T20 on the radio & doing a bit more work on the Rams website. I also seem to have developed a stinking cold over the last 24 hours, presumably it’ll turn into severe “Man Flu” by Sunday, so probably just as well I didn’t make the trip down to Wales yesterday.

I’m being slightly adventurous this evening for dinner. Thai Red Curry Salmon. This will be the first time I’ve used curry paste in probably two months. I was fairly conservative & didn’t use too much ginger either, but I still got a bit of the heat & a bit of the taste.  

Sunday was an early start, up at 6am despite the clocks going forward. I managed to sort out the garage first thing & put Max’s & Carol’s bikes up on the bike rack on the wall to make space for my new one. A quick spin again this morning, about 2 miles I think, but the weather was against me again, as was the wind for most of the trip! For some reason I was in an awful mood in the late morning. Not sure why, perhaps lack of sleep, but the kids knew to keep out of my way I’m afraid, wish the cat would learn to, she was lucky not to be thrown out of the window, without me opening it first! A half hour of weights seemed in order to freshen up my mood. I’m as weak as a kitten, struggled with 6lb’s on each dumb bell to start with L

As its Easter I thought we’d go for lamb this evening, but in recognition of booking our holiday I cooked individual Lamb Shanks as a Kleftiko with Greek roast potatoes, slow cooked for about 4 hours, just fell off the bones. I also weighed myself & I’m up to 78.5kg’s J My target for the end of the week is 82kg.

Monday 28^th > Friday 1^st April

I woke early on Monday feeling like crap after another awful night’s sleep. My throat was pretty sore after coughing my way through the night. I’m pretty sure it’s just a case of manful, but it doesn’t stop me worrying that it’s something more serious. Probably understandable after the last few months. The constant coughing has made my throat pretty sore today, the worst it’s been for a couple of weeks. However paracetamol appears to be keeping it in check without the need to revert to morphine. The day drifted away really. The most productive thing I did was take some old iron gates down to the tip. An afternoon dozing on the sofa to films, before prepping duck breasts for dinner. I’m hoping that the weather picks up a bit during the week, I need to get the front door painted & I’d really like to get a decent cycle ride in at some point. There was no way I was going out today, I’d have been blown backwards!

Tuesday ended up being a pretty busy & tiring day. Not a brilliant night’s sleep again & up fairly early. There was no call from CNS Jo, so I guess the weekly updates have now finished, I suppose I can always call them if I need to. Hopefully that won’t be the case. Anna’s boyfriend, Tom, has come down from Leeds for a few days, seems like a nice enough chap & at least he’s from Gods Own County J. After about 4 weeks I’ve finally finished watching Breaking Bad. Great series & enthralling to the end, I think my favourite character was Mike. An early dinner for Max, Bella & I as Max was supposed to making his debut training with the Seniors this evening, it only seems five minutes ago that he was an Under 7 however when we got over to OBR the pitches were flooded so he’ll have to wait another week.

Wednesday was another early start. A trip into town to meet my boss for breakfast at Carluccio’s followed a visit to the barbers & dropping Anna & Tom off at the station. She’s taking the Tyke up to see “That London town”, he seemed shocked when I mentioned it would be around £4.00 + a pint in town J

It was a productive meeting with my boss, he also paid for breakfast! We’ve agreed that I’ll target 1^st May as a date to return to work, albeit on a managed return. We had a few HR boxes to tick, but nothing I wouldn’t expect from a large company. I’ll confirm all this with Scary Surgeon next time I meet with her, I’m sure she’ll allow me to use my discretion as to whether or not I feel fit & well enough to return. An afternoon spent messing about on YouTube, sometimes it has to be done, this was possibly my favourite of the session -  Joe Bonamassa

A fairly momentous evening at OBR for me. I had my first alcoholic drink since 1^st January. A rather refreshing pint of bitter shandy passed my lips, & god it tasted good! Whether I continue I don’t know yet, we’ll see…….

……… crap night!! Up three times, headache & very sore throat. I think I’ll wait a bit longer until I try beer again.

Thursday was spent largely acting as “Dad’s taxi” & doing a spot of DIY in Max’s room. My throat is pretty sore & raw today, so I didn’t want to overdo things. It’s a shame really as it was a nice day with little wind so it would have been ideal to go for a bit of a bike ride. Probably best to heed Scary Surgeon advice though, & if I’m feeling rough to just take things easy. If I’m honest, as Thursday dragged on I began to feel more & more rough. My throat was giving me quite a bit of pain & I felt increasingly tired. Paracetamol was the drug of choice rather than Morphine & it seemed to do the trick, i.e it knocked me out for the afternoon. I really hope this is just a bit of a blip & not the start of another period of low times.

I received an email from the Head & Neck CNS Nurses. As suspected the weekly phone calls have now ceased. However if I’m struggling they’re more than happy to give me a call. I’m hoping not to have to take them up on that offer, but time will tell.

Dinner of choice tonight is my take on the classic Spag Bol –

Ingredients

750g lean beef mince.

Two can of chopped tomatoes

Two stick of celery, finely chopped

Two onions, finely chopped

One carrot, finely chopped

One leak, finely sliced

Three garlic cloves, finely chopped

Chorizo, cut into small pieces

Glass & a half of red wine (Means you have to drink the rest)

Fry the chorizo in a large pan for about three minutes on a high heat to release the oils. Add the mince & brown for approx. 5 minutes. I use a whisk to break down the mince, easier than a wooden spoon & creates smaller pieces of meat. Once the meat is browned all over add red wine & bubble down until almost all has evaporated. Then add the onions, garlic, celery, leek & carrot. Stir for about 5 minutes until soft. Finally add the tomatoes, plus water from one can.

Turn down the heat & simmer for around 2 hours, add additional tins of water about every ½ hour or when the mixture begins to dry out.

Serve with fresh pasta of your choice & plenty of parmigiano reggiano!

Whilst this takes a lot longer than the sauce in a jar version it tastes far better & doesn’t contain a shed load of crap E numbers or preservatives.

An early evening drink with an old mate finished off the day for me & an early night was in order I’m afraid. Tomorrow’s another day & a big day at that J

1^st April, & Anna has managed to make it to the grand old age of 21!! She arrived at the very unsociable time of 4am if memory serves me right. Gas & Air were required just to keep me awake! An evening booking at Nino’s is the traditional way to celebrate either of the kids birthdays, so the 6 of us will be trooping off to Pangbourne later on. I think the first time we took Anna to Nino’s for her birthday was when she was 8, I’m sure Old Man Nino offered her a glass of bubbly that first time, at least this year she’ll be able to accept the offer J

The week is finishing on a bit of a down as far as health goes. It started off so well, & has gradually declined as the weeks progressed. My throat is pretty sore & sleep was interrupted 4 times last night. Carol is taking Anna & Tom back to Uni tomorrow via Evil Twin’s house near Cambridge. As Rams are playing at Bury St Edmonds I’d planned to go up to Cambridge & shot across for the game, but as I’m not 100% I think I’ll give it a miss & make sure I’m ok to watch Max play at Camberley on Sunday instead. It’s an important game for both Rams & BSE, a win for either side would just about see them safe in the League for another season. BSE will be keen to overturn the defeat at OBR where despite leading 10-18 they went down 32-18. However Rams are on a 6 match unbeaten run & are going for the “Magnificent 7” – 5 points please boys, you know it makes sense!

On the upside I did manage to give the lawn its first cut of the year, I swear a tribe of Pigmy’s were hiding in the undergrowth! You’ve got to love British Engineering, I’ve a Mountfield mower & once I remembered to stick some petrol in it started with the second pull. That’s after sitting in the shed all winter. A 2.5km bike ride in the afternoon totally knackered me out, so I rewarded myself with an hour’s kip on the sofa whilst some crap film played in the background.

It’s not often we all look vaguely smart as a family, so we took the chance to get Tom to take a new family photo of us prior to going off to Nino’s, one advantage of daughter having a boyfriend doing some sort of Media thingy at Uni, he knows how to use a camera J

The meal at Nino’s was probably the best night we’ve had so far this year. Waiting for us when we arrived was a chilled bottle of Prosecco & then a very good friend supplied a bottle of Moet for Anna. The food was its usual wonderful fare & for the first time in I don’t know how long I managed to eat three full courses & could even taste the roasted pepper sauce with my sea bass. Old man Nino really spoilt Anna, keeping her topped up with champers & then finishing her off with some obscure 40% Italian liqueur, this was after he’d dimmed the lights & brought out a birthday cake for her, unprompted J & you wonder why this is our place of choice for a meal out! It was good to bump into  a friend at Nino's, & I apologise for inflicting a chorus of "Happy Birthday" on them whilst they were enjoying their meal. 

As always, thank you for reading these musings.

To be continued……………………..

#shouldertoshoulder