“Lights, Camera…………………. Action!!!”

A weekend of me taking photos & then a rather important photo being taken of me.

It’s perhaps worth remembering that the thoughts below are written as & when I feel them. At times I may be feeling pretty low, for no apparent reason & without any real cause either. Other times I’ll be pretty happy with my lot. There’s no real rhyme or reason as far as I can work out. I tend to open up the blog first thing in the morning & jot down notes as the day goes by, hence the swings & roundabouts in the postings in the same day. Sometimes the events as they’re written down are overtaken by actuality. I’d imagine that’ll be the case this week as I witter on about the various outcomes of Thursdays meeting with Scary, when by the time I publish the blog the outcome will be known.

Week 16

Saturday 23^rd > Sunday 24^th

Saturday started with a limping Penny deciding that my toes hanging out of the bottom of the bed were too good a target to miss – OUCH!!! Luckily Carol is taking her back to the vets today for a check up, if it was me it could well have been a one way trip. This time last year Max & I were on the fun bus down to Barnstaple for the final match of the season, dressed in shorts & tee shirts, today I’m going to OBR with 5 layers on top, but at least I’m wearing a pair of “Pre-treatment” trousers & they fit!

It was a cracking day at OBR with Rams running out comfortable 37-21 winners in a superb match played in front of a packed crowd. The win ensures Nat South 2 status for next season, which in November didn’t appear very likely. 

The light was pretty good & I was pleased with the shots I got. A fairly early night beckoned as I was knackered after a long day & Sunday promised to be another emotional day of rugby.

On reflection Saturday was an outstanding day for the club that has meant so much to me over the last 13 years. With the injuries the 1^st team suffered prior to Christmas & the step up a level I think everyone involved can be incredibly proud to have retained Level 4 status. The 2’s had a good solid season. 3’s were cuddled by Bernie & Rob to mid table respectability. 4’s & 5’s had an awful lot of fun, with the 4’s winning promotion, twice. We’re not a club just made up of the 1^st Team, it stretches all the way down to the U6s! The future is bright, the future is Rams.

Sunday started early with a mystery. Penny has been kept in for the last few days on the advice of the vet following her fight with something. She’s on antibiotics & pain killers so we blocked off her cat flap & brought a litter tray into the conservatory. Anyway, last night she was asleep on a cushion in our bedroom & when I got up this morning at 6am she was nowhere to be seen. After being up for about 10 minutes I heard the cat flap being battered from the outside, on further investigation there was Penny, outside, looking in! It’s a total mystery as to how she did it. There are no windows open wide enough for her to get out of & the cat flap was still blocked off this morning.

My throat is bloody sore this morning, it kept me awake for much of last night. The outside of my neck is also beginning to really bug me, it’s sore in places & changing colour. This was something I was warned about some time ago, but I presumed this was one of the very few symptoms I’d managed to miss, seems not. I guess there’s no point in worrying about it now, it’ll wait until we see Scary on Thursday.

Sunday was another good day for Rugby. Max played his last game for Rams Colts against Reading & came away as 44-27 winners in an entertaining match in which both sides played their parts. I think the fact that the lads had a Premiership ref on the whistle helped the game flow.

After the match it was back to OBR for the Colts End of Season Presentations. I was incredibly proud when Max was awarded the Senior Colt Forward of the Year award & for the kind words offered on his all round game by the coaches. Max also presented a gift to Big Pete. As far as I’m aware that’s the first time he’s had to speak publically, it was bloody hilarious & just this side of acceptable in mixed company. 

A long day has left me pretty tired, but happy. Hopefully the dentist will take pity on me in the morning. In all honesty it was quite an emotional afternoon, & not just for Carol & I. A couple of other people have been around that age group since as near as dammit day 1. It’s good to know I’m not the only one susceptible to the odd tear when doing presentations. It’s been a massive past of all of our lives & will be missed. Rugby, along with most team sports allows young people to develop at their own speed. The U8s speedy winger may well become the U16s tighthead prop. Kids should never be pigeon holed at an early age. When Max first started contact rugby he had a couple of matches at hooker, then moved to the wing. He developed into a half decent scrum half before moving into the back row. He’s finished his Junior career as a second row forward & in combination with his other “Ever Present” Ben Espely, they’re probably the best offensive & defensive line out partnership I’ve seen for the last couple of seasons. Ben also played across & number of positions from U7s. What that means is that you’ve two players in the engine room who’ve both got decent rugby brains & decent all round skills.

The following link is to a slide show I put together of the Colts 2015-16 Season & specifically the senior lads who are now leaving for pastures new, be it Uni, College or careers. https://www.facebook.com/Paul-Clark-Photography-1619542031665742/?pnref=story

Max disappeared off with the rest of the squad to the pub after the presentations. When he eventually stoated home he was also quite emotional. Rugby has been an integral part of his life & a constant since he was a 5 year old. Leaving the cossetted environment of Junior rugby is a big step, but one that I’m confident he’ll take in his stride. He may even have the chance of a run out in Senior 7’s over the summer, now that I would like to watch.

I’ll stay in contact with the Youth section at the club through my role doing the fixtures for them, & I’m sure I’ll still be showing up at OBR on the odd Sunday to watch whichever teams happen to be playing. It will feel strange not watching the lads I’ve known for the last few years though.

Monday 25^th > Friday 29^th

The Dentist was kind to me on Monday morning, I don’t need any work doing and in her words, “I won’t bother doing an xray, you’ve probably had enough radiation for one year” – Same time next year then. I spent the morning getting my office back into some sort of order so I can work next week. I also spent a pleasant (???) ½ hour on the phone to my employers IT Dept. to get my passwords for laptop access reset. It was whilst tidying up the office that I noticed the mask was looking a bit bland, so off to Halfords for spray paint, a pair of scissors on an old hat & hey presto – 

All that hard work obviously wore me out as 3 hours sleep followed in the afternoon J

I always weigh myself first thing in the morning & last thing at night, usually just in my contact lens & a smile! Last night when I went to bed I was 82.6kg, this morning 79.9kg, how the heck can that happen!!! I know I fart in my sleep, but surely that can’t weigh the best part of 3kg?

I wasn’t feeling great on Tuesday morning again. My throat is becoming more & more sore each day at the moment, the soreness is on the opposite side of my throat as to where the tumour was. That’s worrying me as in my mind it means the tumour has spread rather than being zapped away by the RT & Chemo. I’m really quite apprehensive about the meeting with Scary on Thursday. I just wish it would hurry up & arrive, waiting is not a virtue of mine. It’s probably nothing to worry about at all. Scary will no doubt tell me to “Man Up” on Thursday J

As the sun was shining I took a drive up to Sulham Woods on Tuesday morning with my camera. 

The bluebells are just beyond their best & the wind was straight from the arctic circle, so I wasn’t out for too long. Another of those things I said I’d do a lot of whilst I was off work, but didn’t get round to doing.

Some of you may know that I’ve fallen into the job of running the Rams websites & social media accounts over the past couple of years. I enjoy the media side, but I’m by no means an expert & I’m far too old to be “Getting down with the kids” so I’ve suggested to the club that they find someone with the right skills set to take the accounts forward to the 21^st Century. I’m sure within the club there must be someone who fits the bill. If that person happens to be reading this blog then either give me a yell or speak to Gary Reynolds.

I felt more positive on Wednesday morning, my throat isn’t as sore as it has been of late. I do however have a bit of a limp, I managed to smack my knee into the side of the bed last night. Kneecaps are supposed to protect that part of the knee, when you haven’t got any kneecaps…………………. Ouchy! 

The day was spent “Chasing Waves”, basically getting myself sorted out to start work again next week by doing bits & pieces I won’t get time for next week. The lawn had its third cut of the year & is looking pretty good, the office floor was cleaned & hoovered. Desk polished & various bit of unidentifiable food removed (probably old cheese sandwiches). Washing put in, & hung out to dry.  It seems like a long time since I last worked, probably the longest break I’ve had in my working life. In some ways I’m incredibly nervous about going back. I discussed at Day 1 with my boss how best to handle my illness & decided that honesty was the best option. So all my colleagues & external suppliers know that I’ve been treated for Cancer. Whether they’ve read this blog is open to debate, I know a couple have. I think I’ll send out a group email on Tuesday morning titled “Hello, I’m back & I’m not dead!”

Thinking back over the time I’ve been off work & what I’ve actually achieved in those months? Well, I managed 30 sessions of RT & 5 of Chemo. I was admitted to the RBH twice. I had one trip in an ambulance. I’ve given up smoking. My drinking has been dramatically reduced. I hope I’ve become a less judgemental person. I’ve painted the outside of the house. I’ve lost around 17kg, I’ve managed to put back on 10kg. I’ve learnt that immediate family & friends can’t be beaten. I’ve managed to survive not being able to taste any food, indeed for a while not being able to eat any food. & finally, I hope to be able to say tomorrow that cancer is one further step towards being beaten.

No rugby training this evening, so no rush to prep dinner for our return at 9pm. Tonight it’s lamb chops with sautéed potatoes, spring onions, courgettes & chorizo, & bloody tasty it was too.

Thursday started bright & frosty. A pretty poor nights sleep as I was thinking about the meeting with Scary scheduled for late afternoon. As parking at the hospital is a challenge to say the least I went into town by public transport & walked up to RBH after doing some window shopping & sharing a coffee with a regular at Artigano’s. 

The day was getting better.

When I arrived at RBH I bumped into “Breakfast Club” Tony, I’ve not seen him for about 10 weeks I guess. He’s looking good & on his way to beating his cancer. Then when I got into the ENT clinic there was Julia (Sports Direct Mum). Last time I saw her she looked god awful, today she looked normal & seems to be progressing well.

I settled down for the usual 40 minute delay in being seen but was actually taken through 10 minutes early. Weighed in at 83kg which is encouraging. I didn’t see Scary, instead a Dr. who’s name I didn’t catch & the lovely Jo sat me down & explained what would happen. Basically he was going to stick a camera up my nose, take some photo’s & then depending on the results they’d discuss the next course of action.

Now having a probe stuck up your nose isn’t the most pleasant experience in the world, but I guess there are worse orifices to have things stuck up. I vividly remember seeing the pictures of my throat back in December, even to my untrained eye it was obvious that something wasn’t quite right, white lumps aren’t supposed to be there. Today the picture was clear, no lumps, no white bits, just a shed load of scaring. To cut a long and emotional story short the upshot is that for the time being cancer has decided to bugger off J 

The Dr. explained that as the images were so clear there is no point in me having a scan as it won’t show anything else. I’ll be on monthly check ups for the next 12 months, but other than that I’m in the clear. We didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so ended up doing a bit of both. Jo whisked Carol & I off to a private room to discuss the next few months & to provide some literature which will hopefully help us to get our lives back onto an even keel. Texts sent to the kids giving them the good news were next on the list whilst I was being driven home.

There is a huge list of folk that I should thank for their support throughout what has been a challenging few months for us as a family. However I’m only going to miss folk off, so you know who you are if I don’t mention you.  

Firstly, the staff at RBH, specifically Scary Spice & Jo who’ve been bloody brilliant at kicking my backside when needed. My employers who’ve been understanding & continue to be so. The rugby community who’ve shown me massive support. Redingensians Rams RFC who are such a huge part of our lives. The ability to rock up to OBR & know there’ll be someone there who I know & can have a chat with has helped me to cope. I just wish I was off down to Redruth this weekend now, it could have been a good party J Graeme Cook who’s idea #shouldertoshoulder was & who’s shoulder I’ve leaned on when needed. Matt, Big Pete, Owen, Shaun, Seb & Kerry who’ve kept Max busy & me sane. To those folk who’ve kept me supplied with Black Pudding, cheers, I’m still waiting for the supplies of Moet! To anyone who’s phoned me up, sent Carol or I a text or email asking “How’s it going?” there were some pretty dark times, but those messages kept us going.

Finally, Carol, Anna & Max……. phew, glad you’re around & on my side J

This isn’t the end of the war, but it is certainly the beginning of the end. The NHS will keep a bloody close eye on me for the next 5 years. It’ll take me up to 2 years to fully recover from the effects of the treatment I’ve undergone. I’ve been told in no uncertain terms by Jo to take things easy & continue to have a kip in the afternoon if I’m tired, don’t run before I can walk. Don’t expect to wake up tomorrow morning & everything will be ok, it won’t.

Thank you for reading this blog over the past 4 months. I won’t be updating it on a weekly basis, but I will publish on an ad-hoc basis.

The End

#shouldertoshoulder