Just Giving Update

With just over 3 weeks to go until the Reading Half Marathon we’re currently standing at just over £500 raised on the Runners ‘n Writers Just Giving page - 

https://www.justgiving.com/teams/Shoulder2Shoulder this isn’t at all shabby considering we’ve only been going for about 10 days, and I for one haven’t twisted any arms yet via work contacts, their turn will come. If you’d like to donate then it’s just a click away on the above link. “Don’t go to the pub tonight, stay in and give me you f*****g money” to misquote the great Sir Bob.

The running vests are ordered, I resisted the temptation to go for a shocking pink colour as I thought Stevie would just look too good in it, so plain white it is. I was lucky enough to win the 300 Club draw from Redingensians this week, so that’s the shirts paid for, the balance will be donated to the cause. I’m also really grateful to Gary Reynolds for allowing us to use the Rams logo on the shirts.

I’ve never actually watched the Half Marathon before, it’s usually coincided with Max playing on a Sunday. So, this year I’m really looking forward to seeing the #Shoulder2Shoulder team running and will try to get some good shots of them during the run and at the end too. According to a chap I’ve been chatting to, who’s also running for Berkshire Cancer Centre the plan is to meet up in the Butler for a pint or twelve afterwards, oh very well, if you insist.

I actually feel quite humbled and a tad guilty that these seven people have agreed to run for the BCC, but also incredibly proud, a case of real mixed emotions.

A quick update on the tattoo issue……. I visited a parlour this week to get some basic info, such as how much will it cost? How long will it take? And most importantly, how much will it hurt? The bloke I spoke to was great. I explained the reasoning behind the desire to be inked and he reckons than if I can undergo radiotherapy and all the injections involved in that process, then it’ll be a walk in the park. I’m hoping to make the booking for some time next week.

Finally for today, it’s a year ago today that I finished my final RT session out of the 30, it seems like a life time ago. Hopefully this weekend won’t follow on the same tracks of being admitted to Hunter Ward and hitting the lowest of low ebbs. Mind you, as I plan to go to OBR and watch the Dragons Teeth and Horde play you never know what could happen.

As always, thanks for reading.

Dig deep into those pockets………………..

To be continued………….

#Shoulder2Shoulder

Runners and Writers

https://www.justgiving.com/teams/Shoulder2Shoulder

It’s been a while since my last update, probably the longest gap since I started writing this blog. In truth not a lot has happened. My voice is still shagged, but I don’t feel ill. I’m still pretty tired, but I don’t feel ill. My weight is still too low, but I don’t feel ill. Guess I must be ok then.

Anyone who’s read this blog in the past will know I’ve been trying to raise funds for my treatment via the hashtag #Shoulder2Shoulder. The book raised about £1,000 which wasn’t too bad, but as my treatment is currently running at something like £15,000 and counting I’m a long way short of paying my way. This is where the influence of Redingensians Rams comes to the rescues yet again. A fair few of you will know Steve Poole. He’s the current groundsman at the club and an all-round solid chap! If he says that the pitches aren’t playable then he’s right, 100% of the time. He wants to see the kids playing rugby, but knows too well when the damage they’d do would be catastrophic. He’s also slightly unhinged, in the nicest possible way. In September he decided to take a holiday and cycle from John O’Groats to Land’s End, as you do! It was whilst he was on his one and only rest day on the ride that he sat down and read #Shoulder2Shoulder. The next day he called me up, “Paul, we can raise a load of money on the back of this, lets meet up when I’m back.”

Well, a while later we met up and discussed the possibilities of fundraising specifically for the Berkshire Cancer Centre. Steve, along with six others had entered the Reading Half Marathon in March 2017, they weren’t running to raise funds, until now……….

So, on 19^th March Steve, Kath, Olly and Zoe Poole, along with Sophie Courtier, Ben Alderon and the one and only Stevie “Scuba” Bryant will stand on the starting line, wearing #Shoulder2Shoulder running vests and will set off raising money for a charity so close to my heart over the last 14 months or so. To say I’m overwhelmed by this act of selfless kindness is an understatement. But, this is just the beginning. Steve is someone who’s total enthusiasm has to be seen to be believed. Over the next year we’ve agreed that Steve and I will work at raising as much funds as possible. Steve’s skills as a coach, motivator, inspiration and general scary bloke will be used to encourage others from the rugby club and wider community to get out and do something for the good of others, the other 1 in 2 who will suffer directly or indirectly from cancer during their lives. I’ll be the bloke banging away on Social Media promoting the events, I’ll also be the photographer as I think doing an Iron Man may well kill me before cancer does!

We’ve set up a Just Giving team page to help us in this process. It’s called “Team #Shoulder2Shoulder” and the link is here - https://www.justgiving.com/teams/Shoulder2Shoulder any funds you can spare would be really appreciated, any shares would also go down well. The target of £15,000 is what’s called a “Stretched Target”, but you may as well aim high.

As always, thanks for reading.

To be continued………………. Now there’s a bloody good reason!

#Shoulder2Shoulder.  

Look after yourself, you only get one go at this.

A long time ago, in the distant past, well ok, about 12 months ago I suggested in this blog that if you’ve got an ailment that goes on for any length of time then it’s probably a good idea to get yourself off to see your doctor before it’s too late. This stemmed from me ignoring the “Bleeding Obvious” for far too long when my voice was knackered.

Back in September Anna and I met with an old friend whilst out for lunch before she disappeared back to Lincoln for her final year at University. We both noticed that his voice was somewhat croaky and weak compared to normal. I asked him what was up and he explained that he’d been having problems with his voice for a few months………………… The alarm bells rang immediately with me as it was exactly the same symptoms I’d managed to ignore. We chatted for a while and I went through my treatment with him, without trying to scare him too much, but just enough for him to go and see his doctor. By the time we’d finished lunch he’d been on the phone to his surgery and appointment had been booked.

Over the next couple of months we kept in touch, mainly with his son via FB. It transpired that as soon as he saw his doctor he was placed on the 14 day pathway and thus began the web. He’s 25 years older than me and built like a whippet, not a spare ounce of fat on him at all. 20 sessions of Radiotherapy were his reward for seeing the quack and like everyone who undergoes that treatment is was tough for him and his supportive family.

On Tuesday of this week we were out in the evening an bumped into the son, we had a long chat about life, the universe and his old man. I was gobsmacked when he said that his father is now in remission following his treatment at RBH, brilliant news! He’s still knackered, but determined to be back working as soon as he can, albeit at a slower pace we all hope.

This just goes to show what amazing treatment you can receive on the NHS if you get seen early enough to allow them to treat you properly.

It appears to be the time for friends to be ill, as well as my old friend there are two other people who were great support to me when I was ill. So Eek and Gordon, kick it into touch please guys.

To end this little piece I thought it would be a good idea to add a little humour. There are loads of daily blogs on Facebook, but by far the funniest I’ve read is Peter and Jane  the subline is “Peter & Jane have exciting adventures with Mummy. Mummy likes gin. Peter & Jane like starting fires, trying to kill each other and driving Mummy to drink” this doesn’t tell half the story, I’d urge you to read a few of the blogs to get a taste of the brilliant writing and observations. You’ll grow to love Judgy Dog, Gadget Twat and the other regular characters. However don’t just read the blog, read some of the comments too, they can be side splittingly funny. I occasionally post comments, usually featuring “The Current Mrs C.” I’d mentioned the fact that I also write an occasional blog, the next day it had over 1,000 views, the highest daily hit rate since I started writing! None of the tight fisted “Yummy Mummies” bought the book though - #Shoulder2Shoulder

As always, thanks for reading.

#Shoulder2Shoulder. 

New Years Update – Reasons to be Cheerful

Ok, I lied when I said my next blog update would be when the next book is published, I couldn’t keep my public waiting that long. Truth be told, I’ve hit writers block a bit over the last few weeks, so I thought I’d try to get the juices flowing via a blog.

Firstly I managed to survive the Boxing Day match at OBR, my 5 minute cameo turned into to closer to 20 minutes, but I got away undamaged, largely due to being far too slow and unfit to be anywhere near the action. The closest I got to the ball was when the Oppo’s flyhalf, Nick Flynn, noticed that he was running between John Raspin (Prop) and me………. The smile on his face when he sprinted through the gap we’d created needed to be seen. Overall a cracking morning, with three sets of “Lads ‘n Dads” and one set of three brothers on the pitch. It was also pleasing that the Junior’s (who Max and I played for) totally stuffed the Mini’s  24-22. 

NYE will be spent with the same friends that we’ve spent to last 15 years with, our turn to host this year. Shopping at Sainsbury’s at 7am in the morning for the ingredients for the lasagne proved to be an interesting experience, more staff than customers. Anna is off celebrating the New Year in Lanzarote (Subject to SleazyJet), Max and current squeeze are off at some house party.

On Thursday 29^th December Radio 5 Live ran a phone-in, the subject of which was “Reason’s to be cheerful”. I’m guessing this was in response to all the celebrity deaths and other shoite news that had come out towards the end of the year. The callers came up with some pretty darn good reasons to still have a smile on their faces. I sent a text into the show which read “On December 24^th 2015 I was diagnosed with throat cancer, in May 2016 I was told I was in remission. The staff at Royal Berkshire Hospital, my family and my friends have given me a massive reason to be cheerful at the end of 2016.” About 10 minutes after I’d sent the text my phone rang, it was a researcher from the BBC asking if I’d be prepared to talk to the host of the show. I declined as my voice wasn’t behaving itself and I still get quite emotional when I talk about the treatment, I was also supposed to be working.

Later in the day I got thinking about what really had made me happy in the year, the list was getting endless. Then I gave up on my thoughts and chucked it out to the wider audience of Facebook. I asked the simple question, “What has made you happy in 2016?”

Ian Dury

Here are some of the answers:

Ladies rugby team being formed and the friendships that have also been formed.

Parents travelling after illness.

Student’s rugby match, bringing players together again.

Dogs and the companionship they bring.

Travelling.

New adventures.

Being sober.

New arrivals.

Spray Tans looking better than expected! (The undoubted winner!) 

Surviving not being shot. (Tony Slater, most of us had money on you being shot in the USA!).

New Jobs

New friends

New challenges

The three reasons that came up time and time again were, family, health and friends.

So, to say goodbye to 2016, raise a glass to family, health and friends.

Happy New Year one 'n all, thank you for reading my words over the last 12 months and the support we’ve received.

Now to get drunk!

#Shoulder2Shoulder

PS – No pressure 2017, but I’d be quite pleased if you weren’t quite as crap as 2016, ta muchly. 

Happy Christmas

#shoulder2shoulder – 

The Christmas Album

It’s Christmas Time, there’s no need to be afraid….. Bob Geldof wrote the words 32 years ago. Last Christmas, I’m not embarrassed to say, I was afraid. Now I’m pretty sanguine about what life has thrown at me and what is still to come. It’s now nearly 12 months since I started writing this blog, it seems like five minutes ago sometimes, and five years ago at others. There’s now been over 10,000 hits, for that I’m really appreciative. What started as a way of putting my feelings into words seems to have escalated a bit. A book later and the blog is still alive ‘n kicking, as am I. In a perverse way I don’t think I would change anything about the last 12 months, well perhaps a couple fewer episodes on constipation, but on the whole I think I’ve come out of the process a stronger person. I’ve certainly learnt a lot about myself, my family and my friends. I’ve also learnt never to use “&” in formal writing, thanks Marjie!

There’s not really a lot to say following my last posting at the beginning of November. I’ve had two more monthly meetings at the hospital which have been routine. Cards and chocolates were dropped off at my appointment last Thursday. It was exactly one year since I was diagnosed. I thought Scary might have remembered our anniversary, sadly not until I reminder her. We did however have a good chat about “Things in general” and she asked if I was going to be updating this blog again……….. opp’s appears she’s been reading it.

I’ve had a couple of Christmas parties via work, the first time for a couple of years for one reason or another, including a cracking afternoon at Ronnie Scott’s in London. Rams are looking good in the league, the games at OBR are some of the most entertaining I’ve seen for a few seasons. I’ve made the donations to MacMillan and the Berkshire Cancer Trust from the sale of my book, each will benefit just shy of £500, so not too shabby an effort. Another icon has died from cancer, one of the better Christmas songs I hope you’ll agree - Greg Lake

Anna is smashing her last year at Uni, albeit by working her backside off. Max will get the grades he needs in his exams in the summer. Carol is a year closer to hanging up her boots as a nurse (It’ll be the NHS’s loss) and I’m plodding along trying to work out what happens next………..

This post is really just to say thank you to everyone who’s given the Clark family support, near or far this year and we hope you have a great Christmas with your families and friends.  

If you’re short of something to do on Boxing Day, as promised last Christmas, I’ll be making a guest appearance on the pitch at OBR with Max. Supporters, amused bystanders, folk laughing their pants off will all be welcome. Kick off is sometime around 11am, or when 30 guys eventually turn up.

As always, thanks for reading. I’ve no idea when the next update will appear, but suspect it won’t be until the next book is ready to be published.

#Shoulder2Shoulder 

The Last Post

TO THE MEMORY OF THE FALLEN AND THE FUTURE OF THE LIVING

Thursday 3^rd November.

I can’t believe that it’s been 10 months since I started writing this blog, a fair amount of water has passed under the bridge in that time. Nearly 10,000 hits, and a massive amount of support from the cyber world. This time last year I felt like I was a fairly young 53 year old, today I feel like a pretty old 54 year old. 

It’s now time to put the blog to bed for a while, I know I said a few months ago, but I now need to concentrate on other things and really start to get on with my new life, post cancer.

I’m about 7,000 words into my next book, this one is more “Faction” than #ShouldertoShoulder and I aim to have it finished sometime in early 2017, there’s no real time pressure, but I want to eradicate the errors I made in #S2S. I’m aiming for at least 150,000 words for this book, that’ll be somewhere in the region of 250 pages. #S2S has stopped selling now at 130 copies, but only 21 reviews, so again, if you’ve read it, please stick up a review. It could push further sales which will increase the donations to Macmillan and Berkshire Cancer Centre.

Last week I had my usual monthly visit to the ENT Dept for a check up. I saw both Scary and Jo for a change. As usual the appointment was running late, and equally as usual when I sat down with the terrible twosome I was able to talk freely and without any time constraints. I’ve been losing a fair amount of weight since the summer, I’m down to just over 74kg at the time of writing. Scary is of the opinion that my body is having a reaction to the course of treatment it was subjected to and that time will be the ultimate healer. Eating had again become a real challenge. I get halfway through a meal and just don’t want anymore. Carol has managed to get hold of a pile of Enshake drinks which were about to go out of date so can’t be used at the hospital. I’m having two or three of these a day, as well as trying to eat normally, but the weight won’t go back on for some reason. Jo spent a good half hour with me after Scary had done her camera job on my throat. It really was a case of back to basics with her, I felt almost as if I was back to March this year when I felt so ill. She advised that I’ve got to stop bottling things up and to talk to people, be it family, friends or professionals. I’m very conscious that over the past 10 months or so it’s been all about me and the illness and that people must now be getting sick and tired of it. Change the record Clarky.

Carol and I finished off the month with a long weekend in Amsterdam, a city we visited quite regularly when I worked for a Dutch banking group. We hadn’t been for about 14 years, but nothing much has changed really, other than it was incredibly busy and the streets seemed strewn with rubbish from overflowing litter bins well into the late morning. The Red Light district appeared to be even more seedy that I recall it being in the past, but we didn’t exactly spend long there so no worries. Carol wasn’t too keen on trying to pay her way on the trip #Stalker

 

I was a bit disappointed with the Rijksmuseum, which I found to be little more than a massive art gallery and not what I’d call a museum in the true sense of the word, mind you I’m not exactly a culture vulture at the best of times. Amsterdam is a city that can easily be walked around, and walk we did! I think we probably covered a good 10k on each of our three days there.

As mentioned in a previous blog, the food in Holland, if you stick to Dutch food, can be a bit “strange” however there’s an abundance of Argentinian steak houses spread around the city. One, called, Argentinos was where we used to eat when we visited in the past. It was a real joy to see the restaurant is still standing and serving great steaks and wonderful Malbec, it’s wasn’t quite so great when they didn’t recognise us after a gap of a mere 14 years! I’m an avid poster to TripAdvisor when we’ve been away or on trips, but it’s rare for me to give a 1* review. However Destra del Ponte was lucky to even get the 1*. A truly awful place, with the worst service and food I’ve had the misfortune to be on the receiving end of for a long time. If you’re planning a trip to the Dam, read the reviews first.

Overall it was a great few day, the weather was kind to us, it’s just a short hop on a plane and the whole city speaks English. This was our forth holiday since Corfu in June, and will be the last one of 2016. I get the feeling that Carol is already making plans for 2017.

Yesterday saw me rocking up to RBH at 7.30am for hopefully the last procedure I’ll have to undergo for a few years. It was the day of the magic balloon trick to expand my throat and enable me to eat properly again and gain some much needed weight. Mr More Scary than Scary was performing the operation. I hadn’t really warmed to him in the past, however on the day he seemed almost human and certainly put my mind at ease. It turns out he’s a rugby fan, so me turning up in my Rams Hoodie and tracksuit bottoms probably broke the ice a bit. The risks were minimal, but pretty nasty if they occurred. The upside would be massive, if it comes off. I next met the Anaesthetist who had been in charge of me for my last Biopsy back in July. He came up with a bit of a “Left Field” idea for knocking me out. Those of you with long memories may recall my slight problem I had with dying when being put under in December. Well his idea was to use the exact same anaesthetic and see if I was actually allergic to it, or if I’d just had a bad reaction…………….. Well I’m game for most things at this point of my life so I agreed to go for it. The fact that I’m writing this blog seems to prove his “Bad reaction” theory. I woke up a couple of hours later, the procedure appeared to have gone well, there were no new nasties to see whilst they were down there. The balloon was inflated, my throat was expanded and a day later it still feels like I’ve been gargling razor blades! I’ve been advised to rest up and take it easy over the weekend, so I’ll take them at their word for it. The nurse who was looking after me in the Recovery Suite seemed to take a great interest in the treatment I’ve been through to date and asked lots of pretty pertinent questions, including how I was trying to manage my weight loss. Her advice, which I’ll follow, is to only weigh myself  once a week, not daily like I’ve been doing for months. That was it gives any swings or roundabouts the chance to settle down. Her name was Junita, she’s Spanish, she works for the NHS and I’m pleased she does. I’ll be seeing Mr More Scary than Scary in about four weeks to see how the throat has settled down and to plan the next stage of recovery. I’ll also be seeing Scary in about three weeks, I’m hoping she’ll stick me onto quarterly reviews at that point.

I’m a bit of a “Bah Humbug” when it comes to Christmas, if I had my way the decorations would go up on 23^rd December and come back down on 27^th. However, the kids have reminded me that the last two years have been pretty crap for us over the holiday period. Two years ago I spent Christmas night on a ward in RBH after having developed a rather nasty infection. Of course last year it was getting the news that it was cancer on Christmas Eve that put a bit of a downer on the celebrations. Even though we had a cracking day with Evil Twin and Stuart, there was an undercurrent throughout the day. So this year, they’ve asked, if I wouldn’t mind, if we could have a drama free Christmas. Is it chancing my arm playing a two minute cameo in the annual match up at OBR on Boxing Day? 

The past 10 months have given a lot of lows and a fair few highs.

Firstly the lows. My mum died and I didn’t get around to saying goodbye. I feel really old. Constipation is a real pain in the ass! I contracted cancer. March was really, really, really, really BAD!!! I’ve cried more often in the last 10 months than in the last 30 years. Crying through pain, frustration, confusion, exhaustion, and no damn reason at all.

Now the highs. I’ve learnt that my family and friends are second to none. Carol and I have had four holidays since June, and we’re still talking to each other. Rams stayed up in National 2 for another season. I got to see Max play adult rugby. Anna has managed to get a job she wants before she graduates. The NHS is bloody wonderful. I’ve published a book. I’m still alive. Crying is actually quite good for you. I’ve cried tears of joy, laughter, relief, through acts of random kindness, and for no damn reason at all, because I can.

That’s it, there’s not really anything else to say now.

As always, thanks for reading this blog, I really appreciate the feedback I’ve received over the months of writing.

#ShouldertoShoulder

The End

It’s a long way to the top (If you wanna Rock ‘n roll!)

Self-Indulgent, Hand Wringing, “It’s all about me” bollox!

Friday 14^th October.

Today’s headline photo is the first AC/DC album I bought, it was released 38 years ago this week.

This blog and my book originated from a Facebook post on 26^th December 2016. I finished that post by saying I wasn’t trying to elicit sympathy, I reiterate that comment for this blog post. I’ve explained in the past that I find writing to be cathartic, if I ever needed a catheter then it’s been in the last fourteen days or so. The past couple of weeks since the last update have frankly been pants. I wrote a book called #ShouldertoShoulder and then ignored that very phrase. Instead of drawing on the strength of friends and family I withdrew into my own cocoon and wallowed in self-pity. One of the reviews of the book had mentioned that I’d always thought of others and never of myself. Well these two weeks were a self-indulgent orgy of “Why me?” I’ve no real idea why I suddenly felt like there was no point in going on. Ok, there had been a few knock backs, but nowhere near as bad as things were back in March. It took a moment of being as low as I’ve been since being diagnosed to kick myself back up again and to realise that there are people in far worse positions than I am.

The catalyst was perhaps calling the Endoscopy Unit at RBH to try and chivvy on the results from my colonoscopy, only to find out that they didn’t seem to have any record of me going in. It’s not the worst procedure in the world, but it’s also not one I really want to repeat in the next couple of weeks. To date the treatment I’ve received from the ENT Dept. Scary, Mr More Scary than Scary, Jo et al, has been wonderful. But I’m beginning to lose faith a bit in the rest of the hospital. The member of staff I spoke to in Endoscopy didn’t seem to understand that waiting on results is a stressful experience for patients, especially those of us who’ve had a bit of battle with cancer recently. I got no real comfort from her that they’d a) Find the results, or b) communicate back to me what the result is! At that point I felt let down, alone, angry and frightened.  Pretty stupid feelings when I’ve a family around me and friends who I know I can call on to give me a cuddle, despite the fact that they’re probably going through their own demons too. The results were finally found on Friday and the good news is that there was no sign of anything to be concerned about, I just wish I hadn’t had to worry for the, over three weeks, it took to report back.

As an aside I was listening to a radio debate following Fraulein May’s comments regarding foreign doctors working in the NHS. I slowly but surely started to seethe at some of the callers comments. So far this year I’ve been treated in 4 different sections of the RBH, with various degrees of satisfaction. If we start at the top, I give you Scary! She’s white, English, and by far the best doctor I’ve been under. Then let’s go to the bottom on the pile. The chap who made me feel 6 inches tall and destroyed me back in March when I was at my lowest point. He was white, English, and by far the worst doctor I’ve had the misfortune to be treated by. In between I’ve been seen by doctors and nurses from all four corners of the world, even a Welsh nurse! The one thing that the vast majority had in common was the ability to show the patient empathy. That’s all most of us ask for, to be listened to and to be understood. But, the patients have to play the game too. I saw, far too many times, patients being rude and to a degree, abusive, to the staff who were there to treat them. You may be in pain, you may be frightened, but you’ve got to understand the staff are just ordinary people too. This of course doesn’t count for the twat of a doctor (???) who called me a fake, he deserved both of the barrels he got! The NHS may well be creaking, but it’s still a damn sight better that the majority of 1^st world countries and it’s free at the point of delivery. Having said that I was once in and out of the A&E in Eindhoven with a broken arm in under two hours on a Saturday afternoon. The fact that 6 weeks later I got a letter enclosing an invoice for Euro 60 was a case in point, even worse was it was entitled “Slag Weekender” which apparently is Dutch for weekend surcharge! Try explaining that one to the current Mrs C.

 I let myself, my family, and my friends down on Tuesday 4^th October, that can’t happen again.

I don’t things have been helped by the fact that for the past couple of weeks I’ve been at home every day during the week. Max leaves around 8.30am, Carol an hour prior, so at time I can be by myself until early evening. I’ve not been out for work purposes for a while now, mainly down to the fact that my voice is so poor that I’m shying away from visiting customers. The last time I went to see a customer was quite painful for me. They kept asking what was wrong with my voice and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to explain things fully to them, especially as it was a fairly difficult message I was delivering to them.

Somehow or other I’ve managed to go from 87kg at the end of June, down to 75kg the last time I stepped on the scales wearing just Chanel No. 5. Those of you who know me will agree that I haven’t got a spare 12kg to shed. I’m trying to eat as normally as possible but it’s a real struggle to get food down my throat. An example is that two weekends ago we went to some friends for dinner. I had probably 1/3^rd of the sized dinner of everyone else and it took my nearly half an hour longer to eat than the others, that is really depressing. All I can hope is that the magic balloon trick will be a short term solution. I’ve even gone as far as buying Complan, which is god awful stuff, but it gives the vital ingredients needed for a balanced diet. When I was really ill I was prescribed Ensure drinks, they were pretty good, but without a prescription they are hideously expensive. I’m not entirely sure if the NHS will fund those for me this far down the treatment line. I’m trying desperately not to rely upon a soup diet, to me that would be admitting defeat to the bastard that is cancer. There’s also no way I’m going to go down the “Puree” route, not whilst I’ve got most of my own teeth in my mouth.

Over the past few months I’ve obviously become more aware of cancer, what it does to you and how it effects those around you. I was pointed in the direction of a blog post by an Australian girl called Lisa. Her writings are truly inspiring, thought provoking, tear inducing and at times simply laugh out loud funny. The blog is entitled Terminally Fabulous, the title probably gives away Lisa’s diagnoses, but I’d encourage you to read her words and follow her on Facebook. If you do, please comment on her posts, she reads them all and they give her strength to carry one. 

http://terminallyfabulous.weebly.com/ . 

It was whilst reading one of Lisa’s posts last week, when I was feeling really low, that the light bulb slowly started to glow. I may be feeling a bit down, but I’m not dying. If I was I don’t think I’d be brave enough to open up my inner most feelings to the world. So, going forward, when I get down, and it WILL HAPPEN, I’ll wallow for a while, think of Lisa and lean on my family and friends.

Right, that’s the self-indulgent, hand wringing bollox out of the way for a while.

Last weekend saw the beginning of the upward curve. Rams took on Barnstaple at OBR. Now the Barum boys are old friends from National South West 3 days. Like Rams last season, they’ve found the promotion to National 2 South to be a big step up. A final score line of 31-20 to Rams is probably flattening, and hard luck for Barum. But forget the game. Barum are probably one of the few clubs at this level to have a female Team Manager. Vertiy White is a total star. I first met Verity possibly four or five seasons ago when I was still running the line for Rams. 

I’d arrived at my first match on the line without any flags, only for Verity to save my blushes just prior to kick off. If memory serves me right Rams won the game with a last minute penalty from some considerable distance. I hadn’t seen Verity since I’d been diagnosed, we managed to miss each other when Max was down in Exeter playing for the Badgers in the summer. The bear hug I received is still being treated with painkillers four days later. The White family had made a day trip of the match, Verity was with her father, son and daughter, a really lovely family.

Her son took great delight in telling me how much money he’d raised at the recent Macmillan coffee morning, I’ll admit to having a slightly damp eye at that point, damn the dust being blown up J I really hope that Barum stay up this season, obviously not at the expense of Rams, it’s a great ground to visit, full of very knowledgeable rugby folk, but very welcoming to opposing supporters too. I’m not going to be going to many away games this season, the travelling is still too tiring, but I have got the trip down to North Devon pencilled in in my calendar. The club house was pretty busy after the games on Saturday. I had to hang around for a while as Max had been playing over at Marlow for the 4^th’s. When he was eventually dropped back it was with a rather nice looking bruise on his face and apparently far more bruises in parts of his body that weren’t on view – welcome to Adult rugby son!

The week at work has been better, still no customer visits, but I’ve been kept pretty busy all the same. A busy mind helps me to stop wallowing.  

Wednesday started off as a normal, run of the mill day. A to the RBH for my Pre-Op Assessment. All seemed to go ok, even if my blood pressure is a tad on the high side. I’m now all set for a 7am start on 2^nd November, another “Nil by mouth” night awaits. The early evening, however was horrific.  I had arranged to meet a good friend for a beer or eight in the evening, so I jumped on the train, exited the station and made my way to our usual starting haunt, the Three Guineas. Disaster, the 3Gs is closed for refurbishment!! There are some things in life that a man finds difficult to cope with, having a vasectomy is one, finding out your favourite pub is closed is anouth. A number of years ago I used to use the Jekyll and Hyde on the way home from Basingstoke most evenings. Driving past one evening to see it surrounded by fire engines, which smoke coming from the roof was heart breaking. I digress, Jools and I settled down in a cozy pub, sank a gallon, settled all world problems and woke up with cracking hangovers!

I managed to get to the ripe old age of 54 on Thursday, one more year ticked off, a few more to come yet I believe. Just for a change we went to Nino’s for the evening celebration, another cracking night at our venue of choice for birthdays. A birthday card on the table, an individual profiterole with a candle in it for pudding (They remembered I can’t eat cakes at the moment) and a bottle of Amarone opened and waiting for when we arrived, and you wonder why we keep going back.

We’re off to Amsterdam at the end of the month, just prior to me going in for the balloon stretching. Four days of relaxation, great food, wonderful coffee and a bit of window shopping awaits. And it won’t be a Slag Weekender ;) It’s about 20 years ago since we last went, I doubt much will have changed, and we’ll certainly remember to look out for the cyclists when we exit the train station! I spent some time in an earlier life working for a Dutch company in Eindhoven. Carol would get a flight over to Amsterdam, I’d get on the train and we’d meet up for a long weekend which the company paid for (not sure they were totally aware of it, but hey ho!). Along with the more obvious attractions, which take about 10 minutes to get bored of, the city is great for gastro’s. I had probably the best steak I’ve ever eaten in one of the Argentinian restaurants, along with a sublime bottle of Malbec. Indonesian cuisine, chips with mayo, it has it all. Apart from of course it’s worth avoiding the genuine Dutch restaurants, unless you like food that’s flat, seriously “google” Dutch gastronomic delights, it’ll be a short search.

The book sales have just about dried up now, 108 copies sold to date. That’ll generate royalties’ of around £220 from Amazon, my employers have agreed to “Match Fund” what I raise so each of the charities will be receiving a payment of around £220 from me once Amazon remit the funds. I think it’s 90 days from the publishing date from what I can work out. Along with the sales drying up, so have the reviews. There’s only 18 so far. I would encourage you, if you’ve read the book, to please review it, it could drive further sales.

That’s it for this update, I’m ending the writing on a higher note that I started in this update which is all positive. I’m not sure when the next update will be, but I suspect it won’t be until after the magic balloon trick has been performed. I will try and get a photo of the “Stalker” in a window in Amsterdam though.

Thanks for reading this ramble as always.

To be continued……………

#ShouldertoShoulder

Balloon Animals and another General

(Where’s Scary when you need her?)

30^th September – The last days of summer.

Another regular monthly check up at the RBH fell due on Thursday. I’d hoped that it would be a quick in and out with just the camera up the nose and down the throat, however I was wrong as usual. An appointment scheduled at 3.40pm, eventually got into see Mr More Scary than Scary at 4.30pm, not a great start. This was the second time I’ve seen him, I know he’s the Head Honcho, but I’m struggling to warm to him I’m afraid. He’s very much business and little bed side manner and I don’t feel that I’m able to open up to him like I can if I’m seeing Scary. I had a couple of things I wanted to discuss, but felt hurried along. I’ll mail the CNS Nurses over the weekend, as at least they’ll respond. The camera up the nose and down the throat was the usual unpleasant experience, but at least it didn’t show up anything new to worry about, apart from the fact that my throat is continuing to contract. This is probably the reason behind my eating issues over the past few weeks and why I’ve dropped under 80kg’s again for the first time in ages. He’s offered a possible solution to this problem. In early November I’ll be having an Oesophageal Dilation done on my throat. Basically, I’ll be put under with another general anaesthetic. They will then insert a balloon into my throat and blow it up to stretch my oesophagus. This should have an immediate effect, albeit it may have to be redone every few months or so. I’m not sure how I feel about this if I’m honest. On one hand I want to be able to eat properly again without fear of throwing up (which is happening at the moment), on the other hand, I’ve had enough of operations for 2016 and really hoped that the scope up my bum was going to be the last one for a while. I will go ahead with procedure and I will ask if they can make a balloon giraffe for me to take home with me, I just don’t want to have to go through it every quarter. I know I’m being selfish, there are people in far worse places than me, indeed someone I’ve known for over 30 years is starting exactly the same procedures I went through last December, hopefully he’ll get the all clear, time will tell.

Thursday night wasn’t great, I felt very flat and quite down. A decent night’s sleep has helped my mood somewhat, as has reading a couple of messages basically telling me to get on with things. Sometimes the kick is what you need.

I ventured down to Nino’s on Friday morning, they’re raising funds for the Macmillan Coffee Morning, a subject close to my heart as know. I had a nice cup of coffee and bought four slices of delicious looking cake from young Nino, shame I can’t eat any of it, but I’m sure errant son will have my slice and the slice for his absent sister too.

The book is still selling slowly but surely, I’m up to close on 100 copies as I write. A few people have said they’re having problems downloading it. I think I over estimated how many folk actually have Kindles, but fear not, there is a free Kindle Ap. that can be downloaded here >> Kindle App so no excuses now chaps! Sales were boosted this week by the Reading Chronicle publishing the interview we’d had last week. A couple of nice messages were received via FB from folk I’ve never met who’ve read the article. 

Earlier in the week I was having a chat with one of the most committed (He should be) and enthusiastic people I’ve the pleasure to know. Between we’ve agreed that in the New Year we’ll come up with some impossible to ignore / refuse fund raising scheme, based upon my experiences, but involving far more people. I’ve got a horrible feeling that I’m going to get dragged into some hair brained idea which will involve major exercise on my part……………… however, I do need to get fit!! Watch this space for more details as the months go on, and have your wallets ready!

The weekend will probably be spent up at OBR. Rams are hosting Chinnor tomorrow (k/o at 2.30pm) for what should be a cracking match. Chinnor are flying at the moment and will be looking to revenge the two defeats last season to Rams, but we’ll be ready for them. Max will probably be playing for the Centaurs (3s) tomorrow, also at home, against Aylesbury. If the weather is dry I’ll be splitting my time with the camera between the 1^st Team Pitch and the bottom pitch.

Finally, for this short update. You may recall me mentioning a friend who practises Witchcraft, she was instrumental in helping me when I was feeling very low back in January. Well, Cat is undertaking a massive challenge in walking the entire coast of the Isle of Wight in just two days, she’s bound to see pristine condition Austin Allegro’s on her way. Cat’s raising funds for Lupus UK, her story is here >> Cat's Story  I suffered from a very minor case of lupus when I was in my early 30s, it disappeared of its own accord luckily as there is no cure. I’m sure Cat would appreciate any support (ie MONEY) from anyone who feels able to give.

As always, thanks for reading. The blog has now had over 9,000 hits!

If you’ve bought the book please add a review, if you haven’t bought the book then get logged into your Amazon account!

To be continued……………

#ShouldertoShoulder

What Happens Next?

23^rd September

Well, the book is published, the Colonoscopy now completed, so in both cases it’s time to sit back and wait for the results.

I’m slightly disappointed by the book sales if I’m honest. To date it’s shifted just over 60 copies, raising somewhere in the region of £150. With the amount of shares, tweets, Facebook posts and emails I’d hoped to be closer to the 200 sales by now. I know how many people read this blog on a weekly basis. I know that a lot of friends have shared the link of their pages. I’ve had folk from work sharing the link via their email contacts. But the sales just aren’t coming. Maybe the price is putting people off, or perhaps it’s just come in with too few pages?

Yesterday I was interviewed by Reading Chronicle, hopefully they’ll publish some sort of link next week which may induce a new sales spike.

Also, if you have read the book, please review it honestly on Amazon, there’s only 7 reviews there at the moment. More reviews will probably mean more sales.

Last Monday it was back to RBH to see if I could have the colonoscopy completed this time. You may recall that last time it was halted about halfway up (!!!) due to a couple of reasons. I was pretty nervous again when I arrived, not helped by not being able to eat since 11.30am the previous day. Arriving in the waiting room to see the TV was showing a program called Jeremy Kyle’s Emergency Room being shown didn’t exactly help, neither did all the adverts which just appeared to be selling food products!   

I was eventually called into the operating room about 40 minutes late, to be greeted by not one, but two consultants who were scratching their heads and looking through my notes. Hmmmm….. that didn’t really fill me with confidence I’m afraid. I’m allergic to remifentanil which is the normal sedation used, so they were discussing alternatives. The consultant mentioned to me that they could use Pethidine, but they were concerned that I’d been pumped full of the stuff last time and it didn’t really help. Her idea was for me to use Gas and Air as an alternative and that they’d work as a team, with me, to get us through this. The last time I’d used Gas and Air was in an ambulance on the way from OBR to RBH back in March, it worked really well then as a pain relief, so taking a deep breath and a good suck on the mouthpiece I lay on my side and thought of England!

The next 40 minutes or so were a combination of discomfort, a bit of pain, but a whole lot of laughing! There were two nurses and two consultants carrying out the procedure. Between them they kept talking to and encouraging me. One would point out when we were coming to a difficult part and advise me to take a good glug of gas. Eventually, the scope seemed to be coming out of my throat so we knew the procedure was complete. The big difference this time compared to last was the interaction with the people in the room, last time it was very clinical with no real discussion with me. I’m glad it’s over and if I ever need another one I’ll opt for the Gas ‘n Air option. Two biopsy’s were taken for the errant lump, the results should be back within 14 days.

I’ve got my usual Clinic appointment with Scary (Or one of her minions) this coming Thursday, I’m hoping that the results will be available by then so we can put this little episode to one side and file it under “False Alarm”.

This weekend will be spent photographing the Rams 5^’s as they’re the only team playing at home, and whichever Junior sides are at OBR on Sunday. The 1’s are away at Redruth, a long journey and difficult opponents. Max has a weekend off as the 3’s have no game. I believe they’re at home the following week, so I’ll get a chance to see him play properly for the first time this season. Hopefully the weather will stay kind, as I’m trying to continue to wear shorts until the end of September…………

As it’s been a whole two weeks since we got back from the Canaries I think it’s time to look at our next break. The current Mrs Clark is getting itchy feet. Perhaps a long weekend in France close to 11^th November around the battlefields, or a weekend of debauchery in Amsterdam?

As always, thanks for reading. Please keep sharing the blog / book link.

To be continued……………

#ShouldertoShoulder

#ShouldertoShoulder

(Something for the weekend?) 

As you already know, since December last year I’ve been having a bit of a battle with throat cancer, at the moment I’m 7-5 up with about 2 minutes of injury time left on the clock. When I started writing the blog of the battle, I was encouraged to also write a book of my experiences to give a wider insight.

Today the book has been published on Amazon - #ShouldertoShoulder

I’ve set the price at £3.77 ($5.00) and all proceeds raised from the sale of the book will be split equally between Macmillan Cancer Support, who gave me and continue to give me fantastic support, and The Berkshire Cancer Centre Fund who are raising funds to purchase a new linear accelerator machine which is used to deliver radiotherapy to cancer patients. I was zapped by one of these machines 30 times during my treatment. Sometimes there were delays whilst one of the two existing machines was down for maintenance. The last thing you want when you’re being treated is to sit around waiting beyond your appointment time, a new machine will help to elevate those delays.

I don’t expect to raise the £10,000 or so that my treatment cost, but every little helps as they say.

The book isn’t War and Peace and it’s unlikely to win the 2017 Booker Prize. It just tells the story of the past 9 months, with a lot back stories added in to give a flavour of my personality. Whether you’re interested or not, it would be great if you could buy the book as a charitable contribution. If you do read the book, I’d ask that you put a review up on Amazon when you’ve finished, be it good, bad or indifferent. The more reviews a book gets then the more likely it is that it’ll be picked up on reading lists, and more likely to raise a few more £’s. 

Oh, and if you could “Share” that you’ve read it, that would be appreciated. Equally, if you know of anyone else who may be interested in reading the book please feel free to send them the link.

As always, thanks for reading.

To be continued……………

#shouldertoshoulder

Holidays in Eden

Update 12^th September 2016

You know that saying, “It’s nice to go away, but great to come back”? Well that’s bollox, if I could I’d spend an awful lot more time lying on a beach drinking cocktails and talking to the children via Skype. After in effect our third holiday since the beginning of June its now back to the reality of work, rugby and of course the small matter of a rescheduled Colonoscopy to look forward to.

Fueteventura was a very relaxing break, I can certainly recommend the Barcelo group of hotels. Our room had a bed so big I swear it had separate post codes and a hot tub which according to Carol, took the time it took to drink a large G ‘n T for it to fill up. The hotel was adults only and asked gentlemen to wear long trousers when dining in the evenings. Now I’ve no real objection to that, but I do feel that some form of dress code should also have been stipulated for ladies. As much as I can appreciate a shapely bottom hanging out of a cut off pair of denim shorts, I’d really rather not look at one whilst I’m eating my tuna steak. The advantage of going half board I guess was that I could eat as much or as little as I wanted to. I’ve begun to struggle quite a lot with eating again. Carbs are a real challenge, so being able to pick exactly what I wanted to eat was probably a blessing. We did eat out a couple of nights, but I stuck to fish which as the moment still seems to be ok. It was also fairly amusing to see folk queuing up at the pool at 9am to stake out their towels on the sunbeds, people even ran to get the bed of their choice. We didn’t actually bother as we caught the free shuttle bus to the dunes each day, far more relaxing. 

As you’d probably expect if you’ve read this blog in the past, whilst at the hotel we “People Watched” and made up our own stories about the folk we saw day to day for a week. As well as Ms Arse Hanging Out of Her Shorts, we also had Wiggy and Bride of Frankenstein, a couple we presumed were from Russia. We saw them most mornings for breakfast, most days on the bus to the beach and most evenings in the restaurant. Not once did I see her smile, or even look at Wiggy. If she had smiled there could well have been a quick visit back to her Plastic Surgeon on her return to Moscow. Now Wiggy was a cross between the cool Mafia boss from Italian Job and Fabio Capello. However it was one of the most obvious syrups I’ve seen since I worked at Avco Trust. In Avco days we had a chap who had two wigs, a long one and a short one. He used to go out at lunch time and say he was going to the barbers, returned wearing the short version, it was priceless.

Corrallejo has changed quite a bit in the 30 odd years since we were last there, hardly a surprise I guess. The usual influx of restaurants and bars catering specifically for the British and German tourist have sprung up, but the area around the harbour seems to have stayed vaguely authentic. Whilst we were on half board as I mentioned, we did tend to disappear into town after we’d had dinner to escape the inevitable “Entertainment” put on by the hotel. I think we were quite lucky as we stumbled across a place called “Rock Island” down a quiet side street. The bar has various “Turns” in playing live acoustic rock music. Of the three combo’s we saw over our stay I can safely say they’d kick ass of any of the acts appearing on X Factor or the like. (Ok Paul Cooper, I know that when you’re pissed it’s easy to think all bands are good, but………………………….) Check out these guys on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watchv=5qq0NA9Xs9Q the bar was probably a bit more like a large front room, you had no choice but to sit with other people and chat to them during breaks in the music. I like that, as being in a hotel it’s easy to get suck into your own little world of judgement. On our last night, despite the best intentions of having a quiet one before travelling home, we ended up in Rock Island until about 1.30am knocking back vodka and tonics with a couple who we’d met as strangers three hours prior and left as life long friends! Can’t for the life of me remember their names though J Anyone recognise the one who isn’t the stalker? 

So our seven days were spent on the beach, in the Spa (Where very flattening swimming caps had to be worn), eating, drinking and listening to music. A perfect seven days. It all went a bit pear shaped on the way home, by being delayed for over three hours on the return flight. Little or no information was given out by Thomas Cook at the airport and as we were one of the last flights out that evening the airport cafes and shops were closing down. It wasn’t until we eventually boarded that the pilot advised the reason for the delay was due to a truck hitting the plane and the subsequent safety checks to make sure it was still ok to fly. Now that’s a perfectly good reason to delay the flight, a bit of communication wouldn’t have amiss however. Arriving back home at 5am in the morning after a 40 minute diversion on the M25 did put a little bit of a downer on what had been a great break. I’ve obviously sent a claim into Thomas Cook, by their reputation they’ll no doubt ignore the claim.

Whilst away I missed the start of the rugby season. Rams lost their first league match at home to a strong Taunton side, but bounced back last Saturday by defeating London Irish Wild Geese. Max played in two matches whilst we were away and managed to be on the winning team for both. Thanks to Catman I was kept up to date with the Centaurs match score whilst sitting quaffing a bottle of wine in the hotel bar waiting for the taxi back to the airport. After spending a week with just my iPhone camera and little compact it was good to get back up to OBR yesterday to get some shots of the Rams Colts in a season opener friendly against Wallingford.

Back to work tomorrow, I’ve resisted turning the work phone or laptop on today, I’ll be pleasantly surprised tomorrow when the “Ping” goes rapidly, once it’s charged up of course! I’m meeting my Editor tomorrow night, so with a fair wind, and not too many amendments I’m still hopeful of getting #shouldertoshoulder published by the end of this month. I’m also hoping that there won’t be any need to a follow up book following the Colonoscopy. My main task for the next couple of weeks will be to try and get rid of the tan on my face and neck before my next scheduled appointment with Scary, she’ll go ballistic as my neck got slightly burnt! I entirely blame……………….. ok, myself!

As ever, thanks for reading.

To be continued…………. At least for a couple more weeks!

#ShouldertoShoulder