Farewell to Childhood.

Week 14

Saturday 9^th > Sunday 10^th

I am a lucky sod to have mates who know me well & bother to read these inane ramblings. Today I turned up to OBR for the Cambridge match & was given another weeks worth supply of Black Pudding!!! Mmmm……. For any of my friends reading this I also quite like Moet Chandon, Ferrari’s & Rolex watches!! J The result was disappointing today as Rams went down 12-33 to a very good side who will probably win the league. However the Titans won & despite losing today, the 4’s won their league! I was pretty pleased with the shots I got today, in fairly challenging conditions 

By the time I got home I was pretty done in. The plan was to watch the Masters through to the conclusion of the third round, but sleep won out.

A glorious Sunday morning welcomed the last home match for Max & OBR in Junior rugby. A league fixture against the team from Maidenhead. A difficult fixture that I’m sure no one really expected Rams to win, especially with a weakened side fielded. However they managed to hold Maids to 0-0 at half time & only lost 15-0 by the end. What was even better was they managed to deny Maids the bonus point they required, & that their coach had so confidently predicted they’d achieve prior to half time.  He’s a nice enough bloke off the pitch, but a bit of a dick on it. Known by one ‘n all as “Shouty” Steve :) For a number of the lads it would be their last league match for the club, I sincerely hope that whatever course of education or career they choose from here that they’ll continue to play rugby – 

Yet more Black Pudding came our way prior to kick off, luckily this ring was frozen & was still so when we got home, so into the freezer it’s gone! I’ll be looking up some decent recipes for BP ** over the next couple of weeks. Scallops, BP & poached eggs springs to mind…..

** BP = Black Pudding, not Big Pete!

There was another very pleasant surprise at the match today. Jamie Oliff, who’d been one of the original coaches for Max when he was an U6 turned up to watch the final match for what would have been his age group. It was great to catch up with him after about 5 or 6 years I guess, & it was good to hear that his lad Ashley has a pathway thought out.

A final amusing recollection from todays’ match. I was standing on the balcony after the match earwigging to a degree on some of the Colts parents discussing one of our players who suffered from a collapsed lung earlier this season. He took a bad knock on his return at Henley a few weeks back. His parents were extolling the virtues of one of the parents who looked after him when his chest was hurting. They mentioned that she’d read his notes, so knew what he was suffering from & she was one of the, & I quote “top Respiratory Medicine nurses at RBH”, I casually threw in the comment that she also read my notes & happened to be my wife J

Monday 11^th > Friday 15th

The title this week could have two meanings. It could relate to the end of Youth Rugby involvement for Max & to a degree me too. Or it could be the title of the tour being undertaken by the big man Fish. Well I leave it to the reader to decide. Other than to say Carol & I are off to Aylesbury to meet some friends for dinner & then off to watch Fish perform Misplaced Childhood for the final time. We’d sorted the tickets out way before Christmas & before my diagnosis, it wasn’t until late last week that I remember we were going this week! We first saw Fish back in the days when he was still with Marillion, some time in 1983 I think. Interestingly, it was also with Jo T, who were seeing him again with tonight. When he went his own way I was impressed by the music he was producing & continued to follow his progress. Yes, there are times at concerts when his ramblings can become a tad tiresome & you’re inclined to shout out “Sod off back to Scotland then”, but 90% of the time it’s good clean fun. Wonderful tickets, 3 rows from the front gave a great view, I tried taking some shots on my iPhone, but they will never replace a decent SLR  - 

A women in front of me spent 90% of the evening looking at the screen on her phone whilst she shot the gig on video. Not sure I see the point of that as she missed the live event. It was a good evening, the old man played just over 2 hours on stage. The crowd demographic was quite interesting. I reckon most people were in the 50 > 60 age group, but I was surprised how many teenagers were there, & they didn’t appear to be dragged along by their parents.  I was quite pleased that we actually had seats, standing up for two hours would have been a struggle, however when you’re instructed that “You can now stand” at the start of Misplaced you feel obliged to obey! I was fairly done in by the time we got home at gone midnight after a fairly foggy drive back, this was probably our first really late night out since December. Tuesday will be spent recharging batteries I think.

I’ve noticed over the last couple of days that my neck is really beginning to itch & irritate, not sure if this is part of the healing, or something that needs looking into. If it continues I’ll check in with the CNS Nurses if I can get hold of them. I appreciate that they’re busy people with new patients to prioritise rather than me who’s know 14 weeks into the treatment process.  It’s quite sad really, but I miss the weekly update calls from the hospital, they were somehow comforting in knowing that someone was going to call on a specific day to talk through how things are going. There were a couple of weeks that I think I’d have struggled to get through without the calls. My voice has also been struggling the last few days, almost going back to its pre-treatment self. Bearing in mind it was my knackered voice that got me to the Dr’s in the first instance I’m a tad concerned. I can’t even blame it on the concert last night as I made sure I didn’t “sing along a Fish”. 

I remember from the early days of this blog that Tuesday’s always used to be pants. Generally down to having Chemo & then having to hang around for RT. I’m not sure if I’m falling into a Tuesday habit, or whether I’m just a bit knackered, but today isn’t really great. It’s a lovely sunny day, little or no wind & I should be out on the bike doing at least 5k, or lifting some weights to get my body “Beach Ready” J. But I just can’t be arsed today. Stuffing my face with food seems to be the most exercise I can be bothered with. So far today I’ve had a large bowl of porridge at 7am, sausage, egg & black pudding on toast at 10am, chicken & cheese toastie at 1pm, followed by a bowl of rice pudding. I’ve still got dinner of Thai Fish broth to finish off with!

I haven’t done a recipe for a while, so here’s my Thai Fish Broth…………

Ingredients –

750ml Fish stock

2 tbsp Fish sauce

250g fish (I’m using salmon today)

1 tbsp red curry sauce – add more if you like it “Hot!”

4 kaffir lime leaves (dried)

Noodles

2 Pak Choi

100g prawns

Cook the noodles, refresh in cold water, drain & set aside. Put the stock, curry paste, lime leaves & fish sauce into a large saucepan & add 250ml of cold water. Bring to a simmer for about 5 mins. Cut the fish into rough squares (about an inch or so) add to the pan & simmer for two minutes. Stir in the cooked noodles, pak choi & prawns, simmer for another 2 or 3 mins.

Serve with roughly chopped coriander over the top.

I seemed to have overcooked this one a bit, plenty to reheat for lunch on Wednesday.

Sleep wouldn’t play ball again last night. I struggled to drop off then kept waking up every hour or so. I had quite a lot rattling around in my head last night, I tried counting sheep, counting backwards & annoying the wife, none seemed to work though. I received some forms from work today regarding my ongoing illness…………… a phone call with HR wasn’t exactly satisfactory either I’m afraid.

An evening spent at OBR for Max’s training, as a “Brucie Bonus” the U16s were playing a league match against Tadley & won 17-10 in an entertaining match under the floodlights. This weekend is the date of the Roger Batchelor Rams Mini Festival, always a highlight of the year for the club. I’ll be helping out in some way shape or form on the day. These are old shots from the Rams Festivals, the lad in the bottom pic has gone on to do quite well for himself :) 

Thursday wasn’t brilliant. Whilst I kept myself fairly busy I just didn’t feel great. I was pretty tired, my throat was painful & my neck was beginning to irritate quite a lot. I get the feeling I might have a slug of morphine this evening. My main concern is that the pain in my throat is coming from where the tumour was before the zapping. Now I’m sure this doesn’t mean that the treatment hasn’t worked, but I can’t help feeling slightly apprehensive. It’s another two weeks until I see Scary again, could be a long 14 days! I was also feeling a bit lonely which is daft today really, especially as I bumped into a fellow cancer patient & rugby stalwart in town & had a call from Evil Twins husband at lunchtime (Now on known as Stuart, mainly because that’s his name!), so why am I feeling lonely? I’m pretty sure there are “Help Groups” available via the RBH who are made up of folk who’ve been through similar experiences. I’m beginning to miss the daily interaction with the hospital more & more each day. As I’ve previously mentioned it gave me a purpose in life, knowing I had to be somewhere at a certain time. Possibly it’s strange to miss somewhere which actually made me quite ill, call it Stockholm Syndrome, albeit the radiotherapists & chemo staff weren’t pointing a gun at my head, well not unless I was really naughty. Just being able to talk through how you’re feeling with someone who’s been through a similar process would perhaps assist in mood swings. Sleep on Thursday night was pants, I kept waking up every hour or so again, perhaps I should have used the morphine………

Apparently one of the symptoms that Chemo & RT can impact is problems with your teeth & gums. Now I have a pathological fear of Dentists! It stems from reading the book The Marathon Man a number of years ago, I won’t go into detail other than to say if you’ve seen the scene in the film, the book is 20x worse!! However, I’ve managed to chip a back tooth in the last couple of days so I’ve bitten the bullet (Sorry, couldn’t resist) & booked an appointment for a week on Monday. My dentist has actually written in large red print on my notes “Afraid of dentist”…………… Let’s hope she reads them before asking me to open wide!

I would have liked to have travelled up to Bishops Stortford tomorrow to watch Rams play & catch up with old friends, but I’m not really feeling up to it I’m afraid. Rams mathematically need 3 points to be safe from relegation, however the way the fixtures until the end of season pan out they are to all intents already safe. A cracking result after the shaky start to the season. Players, Coaches, Managers & Minions should all take a bow! Well done guys, just wish I could have seen more matches this season. Depending on how I’m feeling tomorrow & the weather I’ll try to get up to Reading RFC to watch our Vets in (I think) the final of the Berkshire Vet Cups.

This week isn’t ending on a very high note really. Throat is still pretty sore, voice isn’t great & sleep is a dim & distant memory. However, I’m still alive & kicking, taste buds are slowly but surely returning & it’s only 2 weeks until Scary sticks a tube up my nose & we’ll see how the bastard tumour has taken to having the shoite zapped out of it.  I’ve also just reread through this blog for the month on February. Good God, if I think things are tough now then I really need a kick up the backside. February & early March were the lowest of the low both physically & mentally. Now all I’m worrying about is what may or may not happen when I get the final result, there’s nothing I can do about that now. There are folk who were on the same treatment plan as me who are probably looking straight down the barrel of the darkest of futures. I’m looking forward to a future that lasts a number of years. That has got to be the way forward! I also need to realise that I’m not the only one going through the wringer here, there are at least four of us in the battle. Anna has exams this year at Uni, Max has his AS & A Levels, I’m sure their dad banging on about feeling like crap is helping them…………. NOT! Carol is working silly hours at the hospital & then coming home to Marvin the Manic Depressive Robot, that must be easy for her……….. NOT!

I don’t say it enough, but my family & friends have got me this far, they’ll get me to the end, wherever that may be.

Thank you for continuing to read this blog.

To be continued…………..

#shouldertoshoulder