Thursday 3 November 2016

The Last Post



TO THE MEMORY OF THE FALLEN AND THE FUTURE OF THE LIVING

Thursday 3rd November.

I can’t believe that it’s been 10 months since I started writing this blog, a fair amount of water has passed under the bridge in that time. Nearly 10,000 hits, and a massive amount of support from the cyber world. This time last year I felt like I was a fairly young 53 year old, today I feel like a pretty old 54 year old. 

It’s now time to put the blog to bed for a while, I know I said a few months ago, but I now need to concentrate on other things and really start to get on with my new life, post cancer.

I’m about 7,000 words into my next book, this one is more “Faction” than #ShouldertoShoulder and I aim to have it finished sometime in early 2017, there’s no real time pressure, but I want to eradicate the errors I made in #S2S. I’m aiming for at least 150,000 words for this book, that’ll be somewhere in the region of 250 pages. #S2S has stopped selling now at 130 copies, but only 21 reviews, so again, if you’ve read it, please stick up a review. It could push further sales which will increase the donations to Macmillan and Berkshire Cancer Centre.

Last week I had my usual monthly visit to the ENT Dept for a check up. I saw both Scary and Jo for a change. As usual the appointment was running late, and equally as usual when I sat down with the terrible twosome I was able to talk freely and without any time constraints. I’ve been losing a fair amount of weight since the summer, I’m down to just over 74kg at the time of writing. Scary is of the opinion that my body is having a reaction to the course of treatment it was subjected to and that time will be the ultimate healer. Eating had again become a real challenge. I get halfway through a meal and just don’t want anymore. Carol has managed to get hold of a pile of Enshake drinks which were about to go out of date so can’t be used at the hospital. I’m having two or three of these a day, as well as trying to eat normally, but the weight won’t go back on for some reason. Jo spent a good half hour with me after Scary had done her camera job on my throat. It really was a case of back to basics with her, I felt almost as if I was back to March this year when I felt so ill. She advised that I’ve got to stop bottling things up and to talk to people, be it family, friends or professionals. I’m very conscious that over the past 10 months or so it’s been all about me and the illness and that people must now be getting sick and tired of it. Change the record Clarky.

Carol and I finished off the month with a long weekend in Amsterdam, a city we visited quite regularly when I worked for a Dutch banking group. We hadn’t been for about 14 years, but nothing much has changed really, other than it was incredibly busy and the streets seemed strewn with rubbish from overflowing litter bins well into the late morning. The Red Light district appeared to be even more seedy that I recall it being in the past, but we didn’t exactly spend long there so no worries. Carol wasn’t too keen on trying to pay her way on the trip #Stalker
 
I was a bit disappointed with the Rijksmuseum, which I found to be little more than a massive art gallery and not what I’d call a museum in the true sense of the word, mind you I’m not exactly a culture vulture at the best of times. Amsterdam is a city that can easily be walked around, and walk we did! I think we probably covered a good 10k on each of our three days there.


As mentioned in a previous blog, the food in Holland, if you stick to Dutch food, can be a bit “strange” however there’s an abundance of Argentinian steak houses spread around the city. One, called, Argentinos was where we used to eat when we visited in the past. It was a real joy to see the restaurant is still standing and serving great steaks and wonderful Malbec, it’s wasn’t quite so great when they didn’t recognise us after a gap of a mere 14 years! I’m an avid poster to TripAdvisor when we’ve been away or on trips, but it’s rare for me to give a 1* review. However Destra del Ponte was lucky to even get the 1*. A truly awful place, with the worst service and food I’ve had the misfortune to be on the receiving end of for a long time. If you’re planning a trip to the Dam, read the reviews first.

Overall it was a great few day, the weather was kind to us, it’s just a short hop on a plane and the whole city speaks English. This was our forth holiday since Corfu in June, and will be the last one of 2016. I get the feeling that Carol is already making plans for 2017.

Yesterday saw me rocking up to RBH at 7.30am for hopefully the last procedure I’ll have to undergo for a few years. It was the day of the magic balloon trick to expand my throat and enable me to eat properly again and gain some much needed weight. Mr More Scary than Scary was performing the operation. I hadn’t really warmed to him in the past, however on the day he seemed almost human and certainly put my mind at ease. It turns out he’s a rugby fan, so me turning up in my Rams Hoodie and tracksuit bottoms probably broke the ice a bit. The risks were minimal, but pretty nasty if they occurred. The upside would be massive, if it comes off. I next met the Anaesthetist who had been in charge of me for my last Biopsy back in July. He came up with a bit of a “Left Field” idea for knocking me out. Those of you with long memories may recall my slight problem I had with dying when being put under in December. Well his idea was to use the exact same anaesthetic and see if I was actually allergic to it, or if I’d just had a bad reaction…………….. Well I’m game for most things at this point of my life so I agreed to go for it. The fact that I’m writing this blog seems to prove his “Bad reaction” theory. I woke up a couple of hours later, the procedure appeared to have gone well, there were no new nasties to see whilst they were down there. The balloon was inflated, my throat was expanded and a day later it still feels like I’ve been gargling razor blades! I’ve been advised to rest up and take it easy over the weekend, so I’ll take them at their word for it. The nurse who was looking after me in the Recovery Suite seemed to take a great interest in the treatment I’ve been through to date and asked lots of pretty pertinent questions, including how I was trying to manage my weight loss. Her advice, which I’ll follow, is to only weigh myself  once a week, not daily like I’ve been doing for months. That was it gives any swings or roundabouts the chance to settle down. Her name was Junita, she’s Spanish, she works for the NHS and I’m pleased she does. I’ll be seeing Mr More Scary than Scary in about four weeks to see how the throat has settled down and to plan the next stage of recovery. I’ll also be seeing Scary in about three weeks, I’m hoping she’ll stick me onto quarterly reviews at that point.

I’m a bit of a “Bah Humbug” when it comes to Christmas, if I had my way the decorations would go up on 23rd December and come back down on 27th. However, the kids have reminded me that the last two years have been pretty crap for us over the holiday period. Two years ago I spent Christmas night on a ward in RBH after having developed a rather nasty infection. Of course last year it was getting the news that it was cancer on Christmas Eve that put a bit of a downer on the celebrations. Even though we had a cracking day with Evil Twin and Stuart, there was an undercurrent throughout the day. So this year, they’ve asked, if I wouldn’t mind, if we could have a drama free Christmas. Is it chancing my arm playing a two minute cameo in the annual match up at OBR on Boxing Day? 

The past 10 months have given a lot of lows and a fair few highs.

Firstly the lows. My mum died and I didn’t get around to saying goodbye. I feel really old. Constipation is a real pain in the ass! I contracted cancer. March was really, really, really, really BAD!!! I’ve cried more often in the last 10 months than in the last 30 years. Crying through pain, frustration, confusion, exhaustion, and no damn reason at all.

Now the highs. I’ve learnt that my family and friends are second to none. Carol and I have had four holidays since June, and we’re still talking to each other. Rams stayed up in National 2 for another season. I got to see Max play adult rugby. Anna has managed to get a job she wants before she graduates. The NHS is bloody wonderful. I’ve published a book. I’m still alive. Crying is actually quite good for you. I’ve cried tears of joy, laughter, relief, through acts of random kindness, and for no damn reason at all, because I can.

That’s it, there’s not really anything else to say now.

As always, thanks for reading this blog, I really appreciate the feedback I’ve received over the months of writing.


The End



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